So I said I’d be back for part 2. I was talking to a friend of mine and figured I’d deviate from the original topic a bit…or maybe it isn’t such a deviation. Toward the end of my last post, I was addressing the issue of those women/girls with needs who approach dudes in the club or another social setting looking for that action, get it, then end up surprised a few days later when their text messages don’t get returned. The same goes for phone calls, but those are becoming obsolete nowadays unless the other party carries some type of significant meaning. I’m going to explain something about men that doesn’t help you achieve your goal of a relationship…
Starting off with a fastball down the middle of the plate and allowing dude to hit a home run in the first inning doesn’t ensure that you will get a long term contract on his active roster. Though if you do show promise at the tryout, you may be eligible for a contract extension for at least a few more rendezvous events. Most of us men (Not all. There are upstanding individuals like Slim Jackson, Seattle Washington, and Ironman) are programmed to conquer, add a notch to the belt, then keep it moving. If you are under the assumption that men love the chase, then how could you expect such a strategy to work? What would’ve happened if Elmer Fudd shot down Bugs Bunny in the first cartoon? The same applies today, though a hell of a lot less morbid. You can’t flip to the last page of a book and work your way back. I mean, Karrine Steffans (Superhead/Video Vixen) has had some pretty significant relationships. But a search through videos in my email will quickly show me why she’ll be unable to keep a man for the rest of her life.
It is OK for women to approach men. That is becoming the wave of the future. As my blog advocate Ironman said, “Chivalry is dead. Feminism killed it.” While every normal man with at least minimal confidence would love to have a strong and independent woman, there comes a point where that independent attitude becomes a turn off. We do have egos that need to be maintained, regardless of how much time has elapsed before dude says ‘Oops, I’m sorry. Give me a bit and I’ll be back in the mix.” or how hurt he feels after a celebrity/another male brings a twinkle to your eye that he has yet to create. If you’re feelin’ a dude, approach him. Just be clear on your intentions and cautious of how you present yourself. Many a determination can be made in the first couple minutes of a conversation. Whether you are looking for a relationship or looking for a one night extravaganza, make your intentions clear. Even if you don’t get the reaction you wanted, you may get the respect you deserve…
this is getting juicy…pause.
Seriously though, I am beginning to understand the idea of being a strong woman without minimizing the fragile male ego. The two are not mutually exclusive. I would say more here, but I think this topic is worthy of a related entry from the female perspective. Stay tuned.
you know… i agree.
when it comes to women having sex way too soon, my mom always said, “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” so basically, if she’s willing to let him hit after only knowing him for a couple hrs, she can’t expect that he will take her seriously. i mean, if i were a dude, the first thing i would ask myself (after doing her, of course) is, “how many other dudes did she sleep with?” if he has to ask himself that question, it’s a wrap for her.
and i’m all about independent women! i find that in my own life, independence can be enduring, yet intimidating to a man. i’m pretty sure i’ve scared away some dudes with it, but then again, i’m glad to know that i got rid of the dudes that can’t hang. and i don’t mean that i try to turn these guys into my bitch, but they understand that i dont need them for anything, but I may just want them around.
i don’t think it’s wrong for a woman to be independent, but she def has to be cognizant about how her independence is perceived by the opposite sex, and how it can be used to her advantage.
and i agree with tiff, you def need a female perspective on the issue =).
V.
sorry i meant, “endearing”
I agree with Vanessa. To be honest, I don’t know how to talk to a guy because I’m always afraid that they’ll assume I want a one night thing, which I don’t. I’d like to sometimes just have a conversation or get to know someone but I don’t know maybe I’m old fashioned or I read too much into that book “he’s not that into you,” because I figure if it’s really really worth it he’ll talk to me, eventually! It’s tough being an independent woman sometimes though, I’ve been told a number of times I’m “too independent,” or “too picky,” that I need to lower by standards to find a man. I truly hope none of that’s true.
Anyway – good blog!! It is very sad that chivalry is dead! Bring it back!!! haha
I used to display chivalry, then I discovered this equation:
chivalry=nice guys=nice guys finish last
It’s funny though. I slowly turned jerkish for a while and it seems that’s when things started to pick up. Now I’m just a nice guy again. Unfortunately, I cannot bring chivalry back. I’ll leave that to the thugs and pretties.
Well to put it very frank. I may just get to the point where after exchanging names I will outright ask, what exactly are you looking for? Sex? Oh ok, no thanks……………………..i will only enact this type of behavior after continually coming across men who at first appear to be gentleman with great conversation, but then unfortunately find out it was just well played yet deceiving game. But in the end I win, because although I wasted my time, he wasted his too AND he gets no ass
lol good point Ms Blunt
All I have to say is: Pick the right women to date who do not lead you to think that “nice guys finish last” that chivalry is for simps. I say be yourself. The person your parents raised you to be. The one your mother would be proud of to say “thats my baby” Instead of altering yourself because a few women have hurt you or done you wrong or said your WAY to nice to get with this! .. ughhh
This becomes less of an issue as the women get older. As the pickings get slimmer, people learn to accept others for who they are from the jump. At least that’s how I see it. I could be incredibly wrong.
Your ideology makes sense, but the over inflated male ego gets in the way. This ego prevents men from understanding the breadth of the situation. They love any opportunity they can get to boast that a woman is “all about them” or “chasing after them”. So even minor attempts to be upfront and friendly by women are interpreted in an exaggerated manner. The reality is that no pretty, single woman is conveying this mild level of interest to just one man. Women are all about exploring their options in the dating phase. So men may think they have the woman who sends them friendly texts and flirts on a date in a bag, but trust me, there is still a chase to be had. She probably acts identically to the other men she’s seeing.
This is the ideal answer. Everoyne should read this