Seriously though.
I was poking around on Facebook without actually poking anybody when I came across a conversation thread about my SBM post.
At least 1 reader right nuh: Are you really gonna talk about that damn post again Slim?
Me: You shut your mouth when you’re talkin’ to me.
That 1 reader: Sorry…
So yeah, I came across this thread where none of the people chatting it up about “the author” knew that he (me) was following along. Being the appreciative and sometimes sensitive intellectual that I am, I chimed in saying who I was, that I didn’t mind the criticism, and that I thought the shots/opinions of one particular chick were foolish.
She didn’t like that very much.
Next thing you know I’m being called a novice writer, unprofessional and told that other people thought the post was wack via FB likes that supported her comment. Not gonna lie, I was irritated. It wasn’t because someone(s) dissented on the post. It happens all the time and particularly this past Monday. My gripe was with the shock that I’d have the audacity to respond to comments being made about me and what I wrote. My question in response to this situation was simple:
What the f*ck did you expect?
As a blogger, writer, persona, or whatever you wanna call me, I understand that by posting something publicly that I’m opening myself up to criticism. It’s the nature of the beast and blogging most certainly isn’t for the weak of heart and thin-skinned. It’s time, energy, and effort that very well may go unnoticed. My thing with this is that, whether you’re a blogger , lurker, or commenter, once you click submit and let your words hit the internet you’re automatically opening yourself up to a response from whoever sees it and feels any type of way. This includes the originator of whatever it is you’re talking about.
There’s this idea floating around that authors aren’t supposed to respond to comments on their work. That’s 100% complete bullsh*t. The exception to this would be if the author is writing for a publication that has specifically stated that contributors are not allowed to respond to comments. When someone is paying you, personal rights only go as far as what’s been agreed upon.
Bloggers are regular people. We have feelings, emotions, and responses to comments made about us and our work just like anybody else. Unless someone is monetarily compensating us or we signed an agreement, we have a right to respond to whatever we want and however we want despite what the consequences may be.
If you call me a piece of sh*t, I have the right to chime in and say the same. If you think I made a weak argument, I have the right to agree, disagree, or provide clarity on what I wrote. Isn’t that what freedom of speech is about?
It’s hard to condense every thought into 1,000 words or less because you know people will lose interest otherwise. Key points are gonna get left out strategically, haphazardly, or accidentally. It’s unavoidable. But whatever the case, please don’t get offended or upset that the author responded to you in the same tone that you let your thoughts hit the e-air. You’re most certainly entitled to your opinion. You’re also most certainly opening yourself up to rebuttals and thoughts from the rest of the world.
If I were a painter or sculptor that had people pay to see my exhibit, I’d understand public criticism with the expectation of no rebuttal. But the reality with blogs and similar websites is that you didn’t have to take money out of your wallet or swipe your card. If you’re accessing free content, your typed words are not immune to a response from the provider of the content that your responding to. That person may get at you and you need to be prepared for it.
I really wish people got this because I see it happen way too often. A lot of bloggers and writers may come off as assholes in their replies to readers, but it’s their prerogative. If they wanna destroy their reputations by belittling those that have voiced opinions, then that’s on them. Just don’t expect that because you clicked a link or wrote something away from the site that the person won’t see your words and respond because it’s “unprofessional.” It’s a 2-way street. You each have a lane and it doesn’t say anywhere that the commenter controls the road. Reality is a b*tch and sometimes she’ll slap you back. I’m just saying.
Keeping it ridiculously real and pushing along for 30 posts in 30 days,
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!! That is all.
lol, I guess I picked the right time to come back & peep the blog.
I agree with this post. It makes no sense to expect authors to sit back and passively digest everything that is said about him/her or his/her work. In fact, as I've said many a time before, I like it when authors actually respond to comments and such, and not just to pat commenters on the back and throw heart-shaped graffiti all around. They do have a right to defend their opinions & stance on any given subject, and to serve idiots their just desserts. What I take issue with is authors who have a heightened sense of self-importance & cannot fathom why anyone would disagree with them. It's true that anyone – commenter and blogger alike – is well within their rights to voice their opinion, but sometimes you see simple, innocent comments receiving blowtorch treatment. And some people simply do not take constructive criticism well, as a matter of fact. I do not find it amusing when any author gets attacked unnecessarily, but I find it even more deplorable when an author shows lack of class and, yes, professionalism, when handling a dissenting opinion. Because I give everyone the benefit of the doubt, I assume that those key ingredients will permeate the author's interaction with his/her audience. In trolling cases, there are certain ways of responding to nonentities without bringing yourself to their level. I've seen situations where some form of comeback was warranted, but by the end of it all, the provoked party ended up being the one who looked like the ultimate jackass.
In any case, I find myself shaking my head and keeping it moving a lot these days. I just can't be bothered for the most part.
I can vibe with this.
Oh Slim. Just tell em: (B.I.G. voice) F*ck all you h0es. (Can we cuss here?)
I said this earlier (read: yesterday): People are giving up the freest thing before pums and that’s their opinion. We all got it. It’s usually not asked for but hey, while it’s here, why not share? I wanna say I hope it gets better but as long as people feel what they have to say is worth hearing [whether it is or isn't] opinions will always be here. Oh and as long as the 1st amendment is still in effect… even if people abuse it.
…………
The internet is full of ego-maniacal people. People blog, tweet, and comment personal attacks, and think they will not get checked by the original author. That's an extremely foolish philosophy. It doesn't work, whether in the e-streets or the real streets. Coming at people sideways will never go unchecked, and people shouldn't be surprised by bloggers who go there.
At the same time, some bloggers overreact, and take it to the e-streets whenever someone disagrees, or makes a better/more salient point. They attempt to attack the intellect of their readers, or take other personal shots at the commenter behind a dissenting opinion, not realizing that it makes them look weak and intellectually inept.
At the end of the day, everyone has to be prepared to deal with the wrath that results from their unnecessarily negative and unproductive comments, responses, blogs, tweets,etc. Folks should live by the rule, "don't dish it if you can't take it."
This post was amazing. Absolutely fuckin perfect. Sorry I had to go ahead & curse. This post is like blogger's liberation. I used to get some crazy comments on my blog, The Loudest Pen Ever and I still get some off the chain comments on old YouTube videos, it used to irk me and sometimes I'd argue or get defensive but then I just started learning to let go.
And I also stopped blogging about controversial topics on the regular because sometimes it just sparked rudeness and arguing instead of healthy debate. Let's face it not everyone is mature and nor do they know how to debate. Some ppl. think saying rude disrespectful shit is debating but it's not, it's just makes them looking like a donkey's behind. Anyway good post my brother and good to see you're still in these mean blogging streets.
Good to see you in the mix and having success of your own!
#cosign
I personally like when bloggers respond to me, makes it more personal.
Excuse me I had a drink (or two) and I'm sleepy…
Wellll…..like I told you. YOU getting hate just proves that it's not really how nice we are but what we actually say cause you are one of the nice guys. I notice the people who are honest with their feelings on issues…even when delivered calmly still get hate. I can't believe how people (read women) are reacting to what you said. It's almost comical. I think the problem is people just need to get over themselves and their issues. I'm baffled at the idea that you are not allowed to post your opinion on an issue on blogs but instead make it more "agreeable". What are we supposed to type? Fluff that caters to everyone's ego? That's like writing for someone else. If I say I don't like red shoes, I don't. I don't care if you (not you) own 50 pairs of red shoes. Get over yourself. The only thing I care about is if you are rude to me. You have to stick up for yourself because people get carried away in these blogs. You know how I feel about that. As far as commenters voicing their opinion. I said my piece on SBM. I'm not the nicest but I'm honest. If I'm not rude to the person, don't be rude to me. Bloggers shouldn't roast commenters just because they don't like an article and commenters shouldn't roast bloggers just because they don't like a comment. We can all state our opinions…even if we do it bluntly, as long as we respect each other. I can't with all the name calling, high-school antics. It's really not that serious. I'm glad you spoke up for yourself. I refuse to let anyone disrespect me and I will come back at you harder. Sorry I'm tipsy…back to gchat.
AND another thing…I like this new un-filtered Slim. *hiccup*
”
Bloggers shouldn’t roast commenters just because they don’t like an article and commenters shouldn’t roast bloggers just because they don’t like a comment. We can all state our opinions…”
What da hell did I just type? Switch it around or read it backwards. lol my bad
Alcohol induces creativity and destroys filters. I think you done did good here girl. You done did good.
I've never been a fan of the roasting. If you can't say something to someone in person, you probably shouldn't be saying it online. People forget that sometimes.
"The exception to this would be if the author is writing for a publication that has specifically stated that contributors are not allowed to respond to comments."
Word. Such is the case with my day job. There are many instances I wish I could respond to ignorant readers' comments. Unfortunately I have to grin and bear it. I can't even say mean things about them on Twitter lest I get fired. So I'm all for a blogger going in on someone's comments, espcially when the writer's words were misinterpreted. Often commentors are rude and just plain haters with their responses. They attack the author for having an opinion and sharing it. What happened to respecting differences of opinions and ideals or having constructive critcism? It's OK to voice your opinion on a piece or provide an accurate critique. But tearing down someone's writing or personally attacking the writer is asking for it. Commentors shouldn't act indignant when receiving a rebuttal back from the author. Authors has every write to defend their writing (unless they write for the man, le sigh).
You been professionally writing for a hot minute. Hope The Man is treating/paying you well.
Yup, that's what makes blogs great IMO. The interaction, the discussion. I'm way more apt to get sensi if I'm ignored than if someone disagrees with me. Discussion is how you learn on these estreets.
I will disengage in a heartbeat though if people can't show each other a modicum of respect. Name calling and unnecessary "ethering" is just juvenile and unproductive IMO. That's why I love SBM so much, the commentary is grrrrreat and author participation is very much appreciated.
Glad you're enjoying the improvements over there. Last few months have been awesome.
You said it best. Blogging is definitely not for the faint of heart. I became an active Lurker just for the simple fact that I don’t like to put up with the challenge. I know myself I know who I Am and I don’t intend on setting myself up like that. However when a post as thought provoking as the one you spelled out the other day hit, I like many felt compelled to share. I started my response probably around the 235 post …. and DID NOT HIT POST! I knew what the outcome would have been. I chalked it up as a loss and moved on. Some people don’t do that. You gotta know when to hold em, fold em or walkaway. (Sidenote: I agreed with the position you took of not really answering. I felt it was selfish of her to comeback after all that time Be it 3 months or three weeks and demand “validation”. If she really thought the dynamic of your relationship was that good, then she would have had that answer the day she decided to pull away! Or you decided to pull away however iit went down.) Keep doing your thing Slim!
Totally agree. I am more of a lurker than a commenter on many blogs, but it really blows my mind, and amuses me to no end, how people in these e-streets ‘feel’ so strongly about issues and seemingly take everything personal,almost coming to e-blows! I say it’s not that serious.
Loved it. As someone who is still getting her feet wet in the blogging world and is also uber sensitive to criticism I co-sign this post.
and it cosigns you back.lol
I love how you did not fully explain what the commentator wrote. Basically, she said your post read like a bad reality TV show. That was her opinion. To call her opinion foolishness and to question its place in the discussion showed hurt feelings on your part. Feel free to express your disagreement with those who critique you, but there's an appropriate, professional way to do it that isn't coming from a wholly emotional place.
Moreover, you were clearly showing your insecurities when you then responded that you were "just as educated as the rest, so keep that in mind," when no one really questioned your educational background. Perhaps you know that some of the stuff written on SBM does not behoove a man with your educational background, b/c a lot of what is written is sophomoric and borderline misogynistic and felt the need to put it out there so that folks don't write you off as just another Pookie with access to a laptop and some basic knowledge of wordpress.blogspot…
Great.
You're welcome. Sorry that I wasn't another co-signer or back patter, but for real you should've presented the issue fairly. The girl never called you out of your name. In fact, she even said that the girl you were speaking of in the original post was misguided, probably had low self-esteem, and shouldn't have asked those questions of you.
All she did was criticize your writing and there's a way to respond to criticism of your work without getting sensitive and falling back on your BA as some form of credentials or sense of validation.
Have a nice day!
Alright.
Today’s my first time stopping by your site. And for some reason your one word responses to bambina really cracked me up. Dude your “Great” resulted in two more paragraphs and a “Have a nice day.” What would her response have been if you would have responded with 10 words? You would have had to enroll in witness protection. LOL!
I personally like seeing bloggers respond. I mean how you go kick off a conversation and then leave the room. I’m sure ALL bloggers read most if not ALL of the comments so why not interact. It’s like inviting us into your house and then you go outside to watch us from the window. Stick around and interact it’s YOUR space. I mean it’s the internet and not a room at a hostel (aka a NYC apt – dude I can’t believe rent costs for shoebox apts) there’s more than enough room for everybody.
Plus I like to see ya’ll (especially Dr. J) get smart with folks. Until of course ya’ll pull that mess with me.
Hey KAPS, happy to see you made it over here
I agree with you of course. The one thing I do caution folks is that sometimes bloggers end up having to take a business call and they can't be in the living room chilling with all the fam while their boss is demanding those TPS reports. Other than that, we on the same page.lol
My response would have been similar. I just think it's funny/myopic/immature that he presented just one side of the issue and made it seem like someone was calling him out of his name on Facebook. Quite the contrary.
I get annoyed when folks direct my attention to these Black blogging websites and everything is so grossly one-sided when discussing any issue, be it relationships,Black women, Black men, career advancement, networking, etc. I understand bloggers are sharing their personal life, but some objectivity is appreciated…Instead on here, I'm reading a lot of "you go boy!" "werd!" when I venture none of those folks even read the thread in question.
hi.
Yes. Two things:
1. You made reference to this in your post, but I want to say it my way. Blogging isn't an article or a book. It isn't created, read and then assessed internally by the audience. Blogging is a discussion between the reader and the author. That's why there are those little comment boxes at the bottom, like this one for example.
2. Beyond all else, there's one basic rule to life. If you take shots, expect to have them returned.
internets is sick
was way too tired to actually comment last night but here goes. Bloggers should be allowed to say whatever they want how they want too, just as we as commenters should (aside of being disrespectful). There is no law that it is signed stating that as a blogger/commenter i will say what people like and want to hear so that there is no conflict or hurt feelings. I am a sensitive goon and for that reason I do not comment much. The ONLY responsibility bloggers have to their audience is to produce good quality reading, in whatever realm they chose to write. We comment and have the right to say how we feel, respectfully, to the blogger as they do to us. I feel that as long as there is no blatant disrespect, Slim and any other blogger should be able to speak their peace/piece. And know that once you put something in these estreets, they are out there forever and anyone can find them, so be careful what you say.
You know what, I wondered what the ……….. meant.lol. That's the new sign for fatigue.
I hear you on this. I've long been of the opinion that bloggers and commenters alike should be prepared for feedback when they put their thoughts into the e-universe.
Some commenters have a nasty habit of talking pure trash with no purpose (Adonis I'm looking at you right now) but want to clutch pearls when bloggers come back at them.
I see this happen to Dr. J all the time where he is accused of "ethering" commenters when all he really does is either calmly reiterate his argument or calmly articulate the holes in theirs. It's all well and good for commenters to talk their ish but when bloggers respond it's a problem.
That being said, I'll tell you this, one blogger to another. As you know I have had the experience of getting my ass handed to me by commenters off a post that I really didn't think was that deep. And after having a huge existential crisis about it, a friend of mine let me know that there was an undercurrent of inauthenicity to that post. It was clear to the readers that I was telling the story in such a way so as to not make myself look as bad as I deserved to. And readers – especially those that read us often – can sniff out that dishonesty and react to it.
As a blogger I'll tell you that it's definitely true that the more I obfuscate and try to hide my wrong-doings or flaws in a post the more lackluster or downright hostile the response is. So when I get negative feedback and I don't understand why, that's the first place I look now.
As a longtime reader of yours I'll tell you this: that post had an aura of dishonesty to me. It's why I asked the questions I did. I got the feeling you weren't telling the whole story because you didn't want to make yourself look bad. And because I'm not the kind of person to leave stupid-ass ignorant comments on other people's blogs I left it alone, but I think at least some of the bad reaction to that post is really just because it doesn't ring all the way true.
That's my two cents. I could be wrong. But I'm pretty sure I'm not.
Interesting comment.
I just wanna reiterate that I'm not angry or upset that people responded negatively. The purpose of this post is to share my thoughts on the expectation from people reading that authors shouldn't respond because it's unprofessional or doesn't follow the proper decorum. From the looks of some the comments including this one, people went in a different direction with this. That's fine. A lot of interpretations.
I'm just happy to see people here.
What confuses me a bit about your comment is that I opened myself up to the fury on Monday. If I wanted to make myself look good, I would've thrown in all sorts of tidbits about how I kept trying to tell her it wasn't gonna go anywhere. And I most certainly would have written a more agreeable ending. Not quite sure what else I was supposed to share to alleviate concerns that I was pulling an Officer Rawse with the post.
I'll say this though…
If you click a link to a site called Single Black Male with the tagline "The Source for Black Male Perspective," why would you expect to get the chick's side of the story or her validation of what I'm saying? Short of living in her head or having her proofread or co-write the post, there really isn't anything that could be done to address that. Sh*t, I wrote a post here yesterday explaining how I started to alter the post to make it more agreeable then changed my mind. Not sure what more you could ask for from me in terms of candor.
Lastly, you tell a lot of stories and share tidbits that I'd never be ballsy enough to share with an audience. But regardless of how realistic or unrealistic the stories sound, I don't question the accuracy or validity of your work. I enjoy the posts for what they are. Real talk is relative. So is interpretation. We could question each other all day, but then we'd never get any writing done. And from the looks of it, we're both trying to go somewhere.
Thanks for commenting.
PreScript (P.S.) – I still love you Max, & I still read & pay attention to you… The only way you can change that, it by becoming a bore… And you fail at becoming boring… So Thanks
Good Evening Lover,
Let’s recap
http://max-logic.com/2011/05/11/intimate-talks/#comment-13069
&
Adonis @MOTRenaissance Assuming that you hadn’t had any abortions or miscarriages, how did you pull off NOT having kids at your age @Maxfab @Starita34 @ToyaJeane (12 May via web)
Still waiting for you to answer this question…
Star answered & Toya answered, although you are special, you are not exempt… But lucky for you, I am a patient man…
A week later, When I reread my comment from “Intimate Talks” inspired by this guy
(http://max-logic.com/2011/05/24/how-to-argue-a-guide-for-women/#comment-13421)
My comment came off meaner than I intended… But that was my gut reaction, and I stand by it… I’m sure your exes have said & done way worse, but still got some p*ssy… So whatever…
When you responded to my scathing comment, I was PLEASANTLY SURPRISED… As a man who makes a living on playing Chess, not Checkers, I didn’t see that one coming… Loved it! So, with that said keep it coming…
Let me take the mystery out of how I feel about you Max,
I love & respect your blogger swag…
But from man to woman, eStreets to RealStreets, from NYC – Toronto (Can’t wait to visit), if you let spectacular as$holes sample that golden p*ssy, while making good-hearted dudes wait
http://lidia-anain.com/should-women-wait-to-be-in-committed-relationships-before-having-sex.html
(Let me rewrite that)
When I hear about you having amazing relations with men, that treat you well, as well as sex you well… Then, I can embrace you fully, until then…
“You shut your mouth when you’re talkin’ to me.”
Enjoy Babe
Adonis
PostScript (P.S.) – I still love you Max, & I still read & pay attention to you… The only way you can change that, it by becoming a bore… And you fail at becoming boring… So Thanks Again
Delete one of those posts… Disqus was handing me my ass for a while… Thanks
PreScript (P.S.) – I still love you Max, & I still read & pay attention to you… The only way you can change that, it by becoming a bore… And you fail at becoming boring… So Thanks
Good Evening Lover,
Let's recap
http://max-logic.com/2011/05/11/intimate-talks/#c…
&
Adonis @MOTRenaissance Assuming that you hadn't had any abortions or miscarriages, how did you pull off NOT having kids at your age @Maxfab @Starita34 @ToyaJeane (12 May via web)
Still waiting for you to answer this question…
Star answered & Toya answered, although you are special, you are not exempt… But lucky for you, I am a patient man…
A week later, When I reread my comment from "Intimate Talks" inspired by this guy
(http://max-logic.com/2011/05/24/how-to-argue-a-guide-for-women/#comment-13421)
My comment came off meaner than I intended… But that was my gut reaction, and I stand by it… I'm sure your exes have said & done way worse, but still got some p*ssy… So whatever…
When you responded to my scathing comment, I was PLEASANTLY SURPRISED… As a man who makes a living on playing Chess, not Checkers, I didn't see that one coming… Loved it! So, with that said keep it coming…
Let me take the mystery out of how I feel about you Max,
I love & respect your blogger swag…
But from man to woman, eStreets to RealStreets, from NYC – Toronto (Can't wait to visit), if you let spectacular as$holes sample that golden p*ssy, while making good-hearted dudes wait
http://lidia-anain.com/should-women-wait-to-be-in…
(Let me rewrite that)
When I hear about you having amazing relations with men, that treat you well, as well as sex you well… Then, I can embrace you fully, until then…
"You shut your mouth when you’re talkin’ to me."
Enjoy Babe
Adonis
PostScript (P.S.) – I still love you Max, & I still read & pay attention to you… The only way you can change that, it by becoming a bore… And you fail at becoming boring… So Thanks Again
Your response was on point and very well said, Slim.
My question is how does a person commenting on ANY&EVERYTHING they want to on the internet even have this unrealistic expectation of 'privacy'?
As if….hmmm, I'll SAY what I WANNA SAY…..but don't RESPOND because that's just…. wrong?
GTFOH with that elementary school thinking. Please.
GROW UP and recognize that You have to expect that just as YOU have OPINIONS about EVERYTHING and choose to VOICE them freely…. so do others and if I'm the blogger you bet your azz that I'm responding.
I guess I'm somewhat amazed at how someone take full out AK47 type amo out on posts as if the blogger is speaking specifically to them. I am new to the blogosphere and am realizing quickly that the art of a good blog is for the reader/commenter to find some semblance of their own daily existence or to purely enjoy a great read. (It's also funny how most of the shot takers don't have face pics – just an observation).
In any case if you are bold enough to take shots be tough enough to receive return fire. Its a war on these e-streets – Not really! LOL
It is a war. Let's not front like people don't got invisible guns.lol
If we are not being criticized it either means people don't care about what we say or our voice is just something that get caught it the general opinionated masses. We as bloggers are suppose to give a different perspective on life's thoughts even if a person disagrees with us(and if we are right or wrong we still have to believe that it was worth pushing the envelope!
Exactly. If I take the time to write and someone feels the need to be negative I am def. going to let them know to fall back. I love your blog. 30 posts in 30 days is one adventurous situation homie…good luck
thank you!
Good Afternoon Slim,
As far as that post is concerned, just like the personal relationship questions, we did not & will never get, the entire story… Cause, if I had a cup of coffee with you or Jenn, I woukd get so much more info (non-verbal), than that post… Again, we don’t have the WHOLE story
I only sided with you because you kept it honest, which is a trait people only value from you, if you matter… Instead of valuing honesty no matter who/what/where/how it comes from…
As far as all the salty people, who made that partucular post, the defining post of your career as a spectacular asshole… They were just projecting their similar unfortunate situation… That is all…
Now on a personal note, as a soon-to-be blogger, future wacksauce celebrity & a blooming mature black man… I believe in tolerating, welcoming, and maturing off of harsh criticism… It builds character… & if you want to go places in life, you have to learn how to skillfully deal with egregious saltiness, and manage envy…
At the same time, I will not knock or think less of a dude who chooses to retaliate…
Just because I decide to be classy, doesn’t make me a better human than someone who is less classy…
Thanks again…
Thanks for dropping in sir. Definitely agree with you on the last line about being classy. I typically don’t say much back to people, but sometimes they go a little far and forget we be out there.lol.
And yeah, I know some folks were reliving past trauma and using me as the pillow they beat up. It’s all good.