I don’t have the energy for a witty intro. I was too busy in the gym getting more brolick than your favorite blogger’s favorite blogger. If your favorite blogger’s favorite blogger happens to be me, then the previous statement falls apart like Miami at the end of Game 5. Anyway…
Eff the amount of work that hit my desk on Thursday. I ain’t even talkin’ drugs. Like seriously, everybody had some time-sensitive request and the simplest tasks seemed to take me half an hour to accomplish. Oh yeah, eff running payroll. The only numbers I enjoy calculating are paychecks and the number of licks it takes for her to get to the center of my tootsie pop. #crass
Eff my abs for cramping up every time I try to do this one exercise at the gym. I get through a few reps and my stomach knots up and moves like there’s an alien or hellspawn in it. I’m telling you. It’s both gross and painful. Think charlie horse in your stomach. You know how charlie horses make you roll around in agony? Imagine me doing that in the gym in front of posh chicks with bougie water. In Soup Nazi Voice: No numbers for you!
Eff the dudes who stand around in the locker room naked and carry on conversations. I’m trying to get to the shower and gotta heteroly walk past flapping gums and flapping d*cks. No matter how much I just look straight ahead, somebody appears out of no where with their jawn all out and towel over the shoulder. You f*cktard. Put the towel around your waist! Pause all over this. Pause and that phrase Cam’ron started.
Eff me for not finishing my personal trainer certification. I could be making good money and then I wouldn’t have to keep asking for donations for my Cali trip just like this. Yep, I’m still plugging. If you already assisted, thanks and you’ll receive some type of communication from me after the campaign has ended. Other than that, I’za done for today.
Your turn. Go ahead and share your effs.
Effin tired,
Slimmington Vonderqueef
lol @ the locker room scene. However, it can’t be worse than seeing middle aged white women walking around naked in all their pale, saggy glory. Its horrible. I guess when you get married, and have a few kids, you just don’t care anymore.
Eff my summer. So many things I want to do, and not enough time, nor money in the summer budget. Somethings gotta give.
"I guess when you get married, and have a few kids, you just don't care anymore."
That made me shiver and not in no good way.lol
Trust. It's even worse when your gym is the y. Those big chicks and their big kids have NO SHAME.
No shame at all. Not a lick of shame… smh.
your gym comment inspired me to write my own “eff em ” comments:
eff me for switching over to a women’s gym before realizing that it mean that a lot of “big boned” chicks would be working out in minimal clothing. i’m all about loving your body, but we’d all appreciate it if you wore a shirt while on the treadmill. thanks.
eff mosquitoes. homie, its not even summer yet. stop being so bloodthirsty! #fallback
and eff me for deciding to train for another half marathon right as the heat wave to end all heat waves starts. 2012 is real, folks.
The mosquitoes must go!!!
Mosquitoes be killing me.
Eff the mosquitoes, stink bugs, grasshoppers, crickets, spiders, and all other critters than come out of the wood work this time of year…
Eff the fact that once I started my new job other opportunities and offers seem to have come my way.
Eff that this weekend schedule that appears to be dismal and uneventful.
Eff me for being way too much of an amorous drunk when I do drink.
Eff portable ac’s. Got one from BJ’s. Thought I just had to plug it in and be in Cool City. There’s a whole installation process (had to call in emergency Guy Help – 3 flights up is a long haul with a “portable ac” that weighs frickin 200 pounds) and it still has to vent thru a tube out the window. Who knew? Hmm, nah it’s worth being a cool but damn eff false advertising.
Eff looking like I just woke up (Been up for hours. Beats me)
Eff movie theaters that don’t start movies on time. TWICE this week it’s happened to me. First with X-Men First Class (best in the series!) joint was suppose to start at 5:20pm. Blank screen no “First Look” no previews nothing. At 5:21pm I go and complain. Movie starts at 5:24pm. Next day, I go see “Jumping the Broom” same sh*t different movie theater. (Also loved Jumping the Broom.)
Eff the new made from scratch ice cream spot in BK. Ice cream is good can’t front. But $3 for a single scoop? Geez. Make it affordable for ALL parents in the nabe to buy the good stuff with no preservatives for their kids. Ya digs? And another thing put some faces of color behind that counter.
Eff my lack of motivation for everything in life…
No gym. No resume re-writing. No website finishing. No manuscript writing.
Nada. I am currently doing NOTHING productive outside of work.
I think that's from years of work/school OT and now I have nothing. Lol. Everyday is a new struggle, I'll try again tomorrow.
Oh & as per usual, eff men.
eff having cavaties for the first time ever.
and really eff somehow biting down on my cheek so hard while i was sleeping that now its swollen and infected and making it hard to eat anything.
als lastly, eff this heat in DC
eff my slow behind computer at work. ish takes forever to load.
eff the summer and all the paperwork for seasonal workers and interns that needs processing by me of course.
eff new ADP/HRB policies at work.
eff the financial aid dude i met with yesterday. this coming year will be my last in grad school and you had to ruin the moment with your attitude. BLAH!
Eff NC in June. It sofa king hot.
Eff the ac at work. It’s the center of the earth outside, and it’s The North Pole inside.
i COMPLETELY agree with the locker room comment at the gym! Ladies, I’m sure your all extra hype abt your workout bod and all, but the rest of us don’t care to see your middle to old age breasts at the gym. I have my own perky boobs to stare at!
On that note, eff the fact that my loins thought this personal trainer in GNC was fine as hell prompting me to hire him and now he’s kicking my ass AND i’m paying him to do it!
Excuse me while i go soak in some epson salt…..
Also, eff this Naked Strawbery Banana juice smoothie i’m drinking that costs me about $4.69 a bottle. Can we find a connect that drives the inventory? I’ll pay upfront!
Slim, what gym do you work out at?
new york sports club
EFF this damn typhoon like situation thats occurring outside right now after being a beautiful sunny day just minutes ago. SMH. im afraid to go home!
Eff these apartments and their air conditioners that break at the beginning of every summer. So glad we're moving next month.
Oh yeah and eff these gas prices. Was 3.79 when I went in the store, was 4.12 when I came out. Makes me wanna start a boycott but its too hot out there too walk anywhere.
eff Atlanta heat – I love the A but dry cleaning suits every week is killing my pockets!
eff my vm inbox…everytime down I have at least 20 messages
eff my bestie for becoming one of those people we used to talk about SMH – now I gotta figure out how to still be a good friend even though I've lost so much respect for you
Gym scene=mofoin hilarious.
Eff the cancer that the surgeon took outta my momma’s body yesterday in an 11 hour surgery YAY for effin that shiznit
Eff the fact that the hospital served Split Pea soup today and I am not on that
Eff the fact that the dude I was kinda sorta in a way slightly feeling and his lack of empathy for my situation
And you ALL know that I have to eff Chi-town weather yet again for being 95 Wed. w/ a heat index of 100 and being 58 today. WTF
Eff my a/c for breaking AGAIN, even after shoveling out 1200 for a new one!
Eff this stupid Ohio weather for tricking me into thinking this rain was gone, now we getting hail!
Eff my brother for moving to DC! (I's gone miss you)
Eff my sister's new morkie that has my allergies going crazy, but I actually like her.
Eff my body for not doing what I have willed and prayed for it to do without working out! Stupid Jedi mind tricks don't work!
Eff my refrigerator for not filling itself back up when it's low on food!
Eff Walmart for always taking my money, like I'm rich or something!
Eff my friend for introducing me to relax riesling
Eff the fact i had a 12 yr old pregnant patient this week
Eff that I am going on my first real date in over a year and I dont like a thing I have to wear
Eff that I was thinking of letting this ninja that aint bout shit come over. Thank goodness I came to my senses
A twelve year old pregnant?
Eff her parents!
Eff studying. Still.