I search for a pic of a fruit fly and end up with fruit fly voyeur p*rn. You gotta be kidding me.
I f*cking hate fruit flies.
Can you feel the malice and abhorrence seeping between the letters in each word? Like seriously, there are few things (or people) that can genuinely annoy me the way that fruit flies can. Sometimes I feel as though they’re bred with the sole purpose of finding my eye, ear, nose, or mouth and barely escaping death just so they can watch me slap myself or stop me from enjoyin’ whatever it is that I’m doing. I could be in the middle of a power thronx gettin’ ready to see the heavens at one of my most sinful moments and then here comes a fruit fly right as I’m about to…yeah, you know. Anti-climatic to say the least.
Anyways, I take solace in knowing that every mission they go on will turn out to be a suicide mission. I can only imagine how many fruit fly concubines they were promised before they kissed their siblings and took off from home base. All stoic and sh*t until they crawl away and nobody can see the tears forming in their large stoner-red eyes. Bastards.
You’re probably wondering where this random rant is coming from. It’s a fair thing to ponder. It all goes back to this weekend… **insert wavy, harpy, dream sequence**
I had just left the gym and stopped at a fruit stand on the way home to pick up some strawberries, mangoes, and other stuff that could go into a smoothie. It was raining out and the fruit was kinda wet in a clean sorta way, so I figured I wouldn’t have any issues with traveling pests. I get home and set the fruit down. I even dry off what I can to make sure the freshness isn’t affected. There were no dishes in the sink or anything exposed that could support winged or antennae’d life, so I thought I was safe leaving the fruit on my kitchen cart for a few hours until it was time to whip work in the blender.
After about it an hour, I decided to make something to eat. And as soon as I sat down, the lil muddafugga was right on schedule. I go to take a bite out of my sandwich and it flies into my ear. I instinctively slap at the right side of my face causing my earring to slightly pierce my skin. I put my sandwich down, but not before romaine lettuce and tomato hit the floor. I’m annoyed. I look for the miniature foe and it’s no where to be found. I go to send a message on gchat about my disdain for fruit flies and it flies onto my screen. This P.O.S. wanted me to hit my computer. I gritted my teeth and withstood the temptation. It made figure 8′s near my tv as if to mock me, so I tried to bomblaclap it. I failed.
I went to the bathroom to do nature’s work and it had the audacity to fly in the open door and head straight for my nose. How disrespect can a creature be? Given my vulnerability at that moment, I could do little more than exhale it away and start waving my hands to keep it at a distance. It flew out and disappeared. I cautiously watched for it the rest of the night and it didn’t show itself. I assumed it had fatigued and settled in the kitchen somewhere and would fly out of an oatmeal packet in the morning as soon as I went to make breakfast. So I shut off the lights, turned on the fan in my room, made my bed look comfy (pushed all the sh*t on it to one side) and laid down to read a few pages out of a book that shall not be named.
The f*cker flew between my face and the book. At this point, steam was shooting forth from my ears. “You are not gonna f*ck up my relaxation and sleep,” I uttered to a creature with no ears that only felt vibration. I slammed my bedroom and closet doors and turned off the fan. It was war. And like every war before it, the result was the same. The fruit fly got its concubines and I got a good night’s rest. I gotta tell you though. There’s something weird about sleeping on a pillow without a pillowcase.
Yep. I just wrote a whole post about a damn fruit fly,
I hated fruit flies until I learned that a lil apple cider vinegar (or wine) and soap will trap and kill them like woah. Just be prepared to see exactly how many of them were floating around your house. I saw 3 and trapped 20. **shudders**
okay i’m grossed out but i’m definitely going to do that and see how many of them are in my home. eww.
seek help. lol.
I hate fruit flies with a deep and abiding passion but trying to catch those fuckers is a fool’s errand. Set a trap and keep it moving.
I always kill them though. It’s just a delayed errand.
I share your hatred. And so does my daughter who screamed from the bathtub like she was drowing because one apparently interrupted her bathing experience. Nearly impossible to target successfully tho I have heard about the vinegar trap.
*drowning
She should’ve chucked a handful of sudsy water at it. That’s what I’ve done. I don’t take baths with no bubbles tho. That ain’t bawse.
I hate fruit flies too but my true hatred and utter disdain lies with the diabolical cricket. We had what seemed like a cricket plague one summer back home in oklahoma. Let me tell you those devils were everywhere! They were even invading my dreams. And that jumping and incessant chirping is just infuriating! They’ve jumped on me on my neck, jumped in our car and I’ve even found one in my bed. Felt like he tapped me on my shoulder and said boo! And nobody wants to kill them NO! Superstitious a**es! But I’m not that superstitious so beware little cricket! *punches fist into other hand*
I can sense your passion about crickets and I must say I'd rather have fruit flies than that.lol
Actually, let me think about that some more.
Man there were so many of those suckers, they were piling up on the walls of buildings outside. Type of thing to give you a complex about leaving the house.
Man you aren’t kidding, my (detached) garage is packed full of these weird cricket/spider mutants and they scare the eff outta me, found the first one in the house last night. Squealed like a bish
and then I wailed on it, that’s right, wailed on it.. (seriously, they’re scary–> http://bit.ly/jIKfJ8 )I got wild kingdom in my backyard. If it creeps, crawls, buzzes or slithers – it thrives in the Midwest. *sigh* I posted a pic of one of the humongous slugs that invaded my patio the other day. #Gross http://bit.ly/k5GXs7
that pic of that cricket spider whatevertheeff that is just creeped me out. blaming you and my click habits for the upcoming nightmares. sigh. lol
Awww H#LL NAW! That is such a scary pic! If I ever saw that in real life I'd have a heart attack. And if one ever landed on my grave I'd jump out of it. Omg I'm having palpitations just seeing that pic. Are there bugs in Alaska? I'm thinking I'll move there.
Man you aren’t kidding, my (detached) garage is packed full of these weird cricket/spider mutants and they scare the eff outta me, found the first one in the house last night. Squealed like a bish
and then I wailed on it, that’s right, wailed on it.. (seriously, they’re scary–> http://bit.ly/jIKfJ8 )I got wild kingdom in my backyard. If it creeps, crawls, buzzes or slithers – it thrives in the Midwest. *sigh* I posted a pic of one of the humongous slugs that invaded my patio the other day. #Gross http://bit.ly/k5GXs7
Slim never ceases to make me snort (a good thing)
I hadn't seen a fruit fly in so long I've forgotten what they could possibly look like but this post def. had me laughing and kept me awake b/c today going to bed at almost 3 and getting up 7:45 wasn't the move.
*bookmarks page to come back to around lunch time*
Fruit flies are the DEVIL! #thatisall
that would explain the color of their eyes.
Buy this: http://www.terro.com/products.php?product=fruit_fly_trap
LOL @ your post. That’s how I am with mosquitos. Mainly because I want to blow something up when they bite my little daughter and leave bumps on her precious skin that is made from Mommy’s love and unicorn tears. When I see one in the house, I turn into a stealth ninja.
You have to slow down all of your movement. Make the room completely silent, turn off t.v. etc. Then focus. Find it and lock your eyes on it. Move very slowly towards a hand towel but do not break your gaze. Stay patient, eventually it will land on something. And when it does, I stand still while winding the towel slowly. Then PIYAH! I swing the towel so fast, the little sucker doesn’t have a chance. Like a stealth ninja. Summer time is not a game.
LMAO at ALL ya'lls dedication and commitment!
LMAO at ALL ya’lls dedication and commitment!
Cicadas are far worse. Happy those mofos only come around every 19 years or something. Dang stupid fruit fly!!!
LOL. JR year upstairs kitchen
this post is funny as hell.