I’ve been aggressively hitting the gym for about a month now and I’m down 5 pounds. Shout out to Foursquare for giving me the gym rat badge and confirming my seriousness about fitness for the masses. I’m to the point where I feel bad if I don’t go to the gym. That’s the easy part. So what’s the challenge? My eating…and no, I don’t mean warm meow.
I love food. It brings me joy during times of pain and increases my happiness during times of peace and prosperity. Food may be my favorite thing right behind being the recipient of orally administered skeet extraction, writing, and playing basketball. Whether this is a good thing or not isn’t up for debate. Whether sex itself will move up this list anytime soon is.
For the last month and change, I’ve been holding my breath when walking past the hood Chinese food spots. I’ve pinched my nose when passing the golden arches. I’ve turned the other cheek when slapped in the face by the same aromas that have caused me to put on the weight that I’m now trying to lose. I’m fine at this by myself, but
I’m fat when we’re together when I get around friends and co-workers…
I fail. I’m okay with it, but I fail.
I’ve seen more cakes, cookies, and fried goodness in the last month than I’ve seen in the previous 3. F*ckin’ birthdays and sh*t and unnecessary profanity. The amount of carbonated beverages, calamari, and sliders that have been dangled in front of my face has led me to slip up a few times. Then I’m pedaling for pounds the next day trying to burn off consumed temptation. And what’s this weekend coming up? The 4th of July you say? BBQ? Bomb side dishes? Alcohol? Weight Retained Dot Com?
I won’t lie to you. I plan to indulge this weekend. I won’t be as aggressive as years past, but I will enjoy the flavors and fats of all that touches my plate. I might even eat some salad. It feels dirty to say that for a multitude of reasons. And to prepare for the festivities, I’ll be exerting triple max effort in the gym for the next 3 days. It’s almost like I’ll be training to be moderately sloppy in my eating habits.
I’m gonna push to burn 1K calories per workout and eat my normal allotment of calories until the first BBQ touches my taste buds. I’m gonna try to consume more water than alcohol, though the chances of me failing are pretty high. I’m gonna continue to use the MyFitnessPal application on my phone to track my caloric intake just so I know where I’m at on Tuesday when it’s back to office politics as usual. You may think that’s extra, but just know I don’t want the extra pounds. I also don’t wanna cancel out all the hard work I’ve done over the last month and change.
So yeah, that’s my plan. I wanna come away from this weekend feeling like I didn’t miss out on anything, but that I also behaved to some degree. I’m looking forward to these next few sessions at the gym. I’m gonna be working up a big ass motherf*ckin appetite. And I say that with the utmost enthusiasm. Can’t you tell?
Barbells and potato salad,