Big Boi, Viagra, and Going for the Win at All Costs

Well...I hope you had fun first.

I was reading random nonsensical news and saw that rapper and producer Big Boi got caught in Miami with Ecstasy and Viagra pills. My first reaction was to laugh and shake my head. I wasn’t mad or disappointed. He wasn’t doin’ anything that regular people don’t do everyday. And hey, most things are okay if you do them in moderation. This doesn’t include stuff like heroine and crack. You do those once and you’re probably gonna lose some teeth in addition to a few years of your life.

Of course some folks now assume Big Boi has piece problems aka Noodle D*ck Syndrome. The thing is there are a lot of men who have the ability to rise to the occasion and perform, but they aspire to be the absolute best they can be. Every man wants to be Zeus in in the bedroom. Nobody wants to be Smedium Joe saying “Oops I did it again” because he failed to knock it out the box while in it. And similar to world class athletes that want to stay ahead of the competition, they do what they need to get the edge.

Let’s be honest. Not every man has “the gift.” If we all did, women would be a helluva lot happier and d*ck wouldn’t have chicks doing stupid things for dudes that are only willing to commit to coming over to beat. We know that solid strokington will you keep you around until you’re fed up or find a husband. Thus, our pumps must be mighty for the time that we deal with you.

The other thing is that Ecstasy is a pleasure enhancing drug. I’d assume that once taken, most folks don’t want the feeling to end until it’s time to go to the plantation, church, or be around family members. And as a man, typically once you’ve skeeted you need to eat a sandwich, play video games, and recharge for whatever amount of time it takes. With a refractory-period-minimizing drug like Viagra, you can get back into the mix sooner and continue the journey down the yellow brick road of baby take that. To put it more simply, Viagra can be like a short man wearing platform shoes.

Men sometimes experience a pressure when it comes (lol) to sex that women don’t have to deal with. A lot of us place our significance as men into the heads of our d*cks. If that wasn’t the case, dudes wouldn’t be conquering and sewing oats so aggressively and sexual performance enhancers wouldn’t be such hot items on the market. Think about it. How many times have you gotten spam about Viagra, Cialis, or something with a subject line like “Want to Be Her Certified Mega Driller?”

I’ve always joked that women just need to “get wet and be decent.” The average man is gonna get his anyway, so she doesn’t have to be extravagant in the sheets to extract his nectar. Women often require a pin code or Game Genie to get that lady-nut up out ‘em. A few (few is relative to the piece which is invading her poomps) hip movements, self-initiated nipple twists, and moans — on the other hand — are usually sufficient to rev up a man’s engine and push him toward a pleasurable collapse…unless he been drinking. By the way, alcohol is another well-known equalizer. The FDA hasn’t approved it as a sexual performance enhancer, but we know that the right amount of Henny will most likely lead to an uninhibited great night for all parties involved.

This also makes me think back to high school and college where dudes were runnin’ around lookin’ for Ginseng or some random African flower extract rumored to cause magical effects. I can remember goin’ to the white frat houses for parties and having them offer up Viagra to ensure whiskey d*ck didn’t claim a casualty. It wasn’t far-fetched to overhear a conversation with someone saying “Bro, all you have to do is take half a pill and you’ll be good. Trust me.” I write all this to say that healthy men taking performance enhancing drugs isn’t anything new. It happens everyday. We just don’t tell women about it.

I’ll say this though. If I’m ever presented with the opportunity to indulge in a threesome with 2 beautiful women, I’ll be takin’ half a blue pill and/or downing some pre-determined amount of alcohol. I know my limits and refuse to be reduced to using limited strokes. I will be tryin’ to turn out alla da lights. **trumpets**

Sh*t, I might even write a post, play, or produce a documentary on it. Call it something like “For a Healthy Man When Patience, Deep Breaths, and Calculus Wasn’t Enuf.”

For Emergency Use Only,