Haven't used this image in a while.
So yeah, a lot has happened since the last time I put up a real post…which was about 2 weeks ago. That’s definitely the longest postless period that I’ve had on TRSJ. I wanna say that I feel bad about not posting for 2 weeks, but the truth is I don’t. It was refreshing. Though I’m encountering some “writer issues,” my brain feels like it’s been reset and I can focus on decidin’ where my energy goes. My plate is still full and I need to hammer out this diet before I go any further. I refuse to overwhelm myself and get to the point of burnout again — particularly because it’s avoidable.
This has me at an interestin’ point as a writer, blogger, or whatever you wanna call me. It also has me at an interestin’ point as a person — which I sometimes think people forget that we who write are indeed people. Though I’ve made a lot of progress over the last 6 months, I’ve discovered a lot of question marks during my introspection. Ever since I came back from LA, things have been different. It started off as enthusiasm and optimism about what’s to come, then turned into hours of thoughts, scribbling, and teeth-grinding stress. I’ve been ruminating on this idea I’ve had for a couple months now and it seems like I’m changing my mind every day on which direction I’d like it to go. Start big or start small. Pause. And since I tipsily shared a little bit more than I intended with someone who quickly jotted it down in their phone and sent it to a contact, it looks like I’m gonna have to accelerate the process otherwise watch someone with a lot more money run with my idea.
I’ve also been payin’ attention to what’s happening across the blogosphere with other sites, writers, etc. Not because I wanna be like anybody else, but because I like to benchmark. I also find inspiration in the achievement of others, though it sometimes backfires because I’m a competitive f*ck. I see folks taking off and reaching new heights, while I still feel (at points) like I’m trying to get off the ground. What has taken me years to accomplish, some people are knocking off in months. This must be how the Baby Boomers felt when the young whippersnappers started coming in and running sh*t. Difference is I don’t feel like my job is jeopardy. I just feel like I’m gonna be getting to the pie a lot later than everybody else, and nobody likes sloppy seconds. I refuse to be the last man on the train. I mean that exactly the way it sounds.
So here I am trying to figure out what the next move(s) will be. I know how to grow a site. I know how to write. I know what I enjoy writing about. I know what strains my brain. I know what type of people read my stuff. I know what type of people don’t. I know what most folks like to read daily. I know that I wanna make this a career and put an end to the 9 to 5 foolery. I know that I wanna make serious money for my efforts by writing about things I’m passionate about. I know that I don’t wanna lose the following that I’ve worked so hard to gain by jumping into a niche that isn’t as interesting and far-reaching. I know that I still owe a lot of folks out there dividends in return for their investments and faith in my abilities. I know that this needs to happen sooner rather than later.
What I don’t know is how I’m going to accomplish all of this in the time frame I’d like. Patience has never been one of my strong points. Be unprepared when I come to pick you up and you’ll see exactly what I mean. Might just slam your arm in the door.
I don’t know how I’m gonna assemble the cast I need to assemble to make this repetitive dream become a reality. I don’t know how I’m going to manage the growing expectations. I don’t know when I’m going to have this major breakthrough as writer. And quite frankly, I don’t know how I’m gonna manage my competitiveness as time goes on. It’s been my biggest strength and weakness. It’s also exposed some interesting personal characteristics that I’ll discuss once I’m where I wanna be. Hell, might even make it into a book or something. You never know. I just need this timeline to get to moving!
But for now, I’ll just continue to commit thoughts and ideas to paper and WordPress and hope for the best. Eventually all of this will come together and payoff. I just wanna get to the point where I can worry about a completely different set of problems rapido. What’s type without action though? Let me cross this post off my list, eat this bland dinner rich in preservatives, and figure out what’s important and reasonable.
Good to be back. And though I haven’t said it in a while, God is Good.
The Energizer Bawse,
I am giving you a Welcome Back Kotter
)))
-Slamming someone’s arm in the door would be pretty dang bigus just so you know.
Have some patience Danielson and it will all work out. I feel like sometimes I write just to write because it is what I am supposed to do-it’s what I do. Even though I am a teacher, I define myself as a writer because that has always been my dream and now with Mom gone some of what I want to say doesn’t even come out. So I am saying that to say that your hiatus may be good because you will come back stronger than ever. Pen love
Glad to see you back! Good luck with accomplishing your goals, good sir.
Welcome back, I was about to fall in love with another blogger….
In terms of the your new venture, it sounds like you are not following your intuition. You’re thinking too hard. When you first came up with the idea, someone said something and it popped into your head. That means its a good idea. Your intuition will never lead you wrong, but your head will make you doubt yourself and have you make all types of mistakes. What does your “gut” tell you?
I think you will do great things. Don’t doubt yourself. And focus on the goal not the journey. Focus on where you want to be and you will find yourself there, how exactly you will get there you don’t know but that’s not for you to worry about.
“…and it seems like I’m changing my mind every day on which direction I’d like it to go. Start big or start small. Pause.”
I’m all too familiar with this phase. “Just do it” <– cliche and very annoying but logical. Begin and the rest will fall into place. Good luck!
Thanks for the messages folks. Looking forward to finally making some things happen.
I agree with one of the other commenters. You have to practice patience. You had a good idea, someone liked it. But, you can’t force things. Everything will happen in the manner they’re supposed to happen. You had the idea when you had because it was the right time for you to see it. You have to believe that everything will workout the way they are supposed to, how its supposed to, when its supposed to. You have no real control over that. Do what you can do, then let it go. Forcing it will take it out of its natural flow, and may set you back, or even ruin it before it even gets close to completion. Just relax. If you believe in it, and you have others in faith believing with you, it will happen. And it’ll be awesome!!!
God is good. And He is faithful. He keeps His word… Always. Don’t forget that.
*big hug*
Like
Since I can’t “Like” this comment, I’m going to be a nerd and type “Like” under your comment as it is so eloquently written.
Your welcome.
I hope I spelled eloquent right
This got me feeling all fuzzy and sh*t. Wise words and ish. Hopefully others apply them as well!
*finger snaps* this!
Im late but *nods head*
Sounds like you have a lot going on and you’re moving into the right direction. It’s always a good feeling to have a vision and being focused on it. I know you will accomplish whatever it is you’ve set your mind too and I hate creepy people like the person who put your words into their phone. Good luck and Godspeed!
*sneaks in and hopes Slim doesnt notice ive been slacking on my 1 comment/month agreement*
What I don’t know is how I’m going to accomplish all of this in the time frame I’d like. Patience has never been one of my strong points.
this is me ALL the time. there always so much i want to do and so very little time to do it. im a control freak, a perfectionist, and impatient as hell. so i always find myself in a dilemma, stressing and worrying.
now that im trying to crank out these last few months of my PhD, i can only try and focus my energy for good. im not always going to fire on all cylinders. im not always going to be productive. im not always going to feel good about my progress. but im actually slowly becoming ok with that. because when im on, im ON. and when i get in beast mode, you better watch out. but it cant be forced, i cant make myself get sh*t done. it has to come organically, and i have to just allow myself the permission to just be in a slump whenever im there. giving yourself a break doesnt mean you have to slack off (which is a FAIL). you just gotta hustle in other areas until you are ready to handle business elsewhere.
the feeling is liberating.
so i say ALLLLLL that to say this: you are gonna handle business. because you recognize your weaknesses, and what you need to work on. your ideas are going to become reality and you are going to be as great as you hope to be. dont beat yourself up about your low periods. just make the most of them. peaks always follow valleys. and when the time is right, you’ll get it all done.
best wishes to you!!!! xoxo