So yeah, a lot has happened since the last time I put up a real post…which was about 2 weeks ago. That’s definitely the longest postless period that I’ve had on TRSJ. I wanna say that I feel bad about not posting for 2 weeks, but the truth is I don’t. It was refreshing. Though I’m encountering some “writer issues,” my brain feels like it’s been reset and I can focus on decidin’ where my energy goes. My plate is still full and I need to hammer out this diet before I go any further. I refuse to overwhelm myself and get to the point of burnout again — particularly because it’s avoidable.
This has me at an interestin’ point as a writer, blogger, or whatever you wanna call me. It also has me at an interestin’ point as a person — which I sometimes think people forget that we who write are indeed people. Though I’ve made a lot of progress over the last 6 months, I’ve discovered a lot of question marks during my introspection. Ever since I came back from LA, things have been different. It started off as enthusiasm and optimism about what’s to come, then turned into hours of thoughts, scribbling, and teeth-grinding stress. I’ve been ruminating on this idea I’ve had for a couple months now and it seems like I’m changing my mind every day on which direction I’d like it to go. Start big or start small. Pause. And since I tipsily shared a little bit more than I intended with someone who quickly jotted it down in their phone and sent it to a contact, it looks like I’m gonna have to accelerate the process otherwise watch someone with a lot more money run with my idea.
I’ve also been payin’ attention to what’s happening across the blogosphere with other sites, writers, etc. Not because I wanna be like anybody else, but because I like to benchmark. I also find inspiration in the achievement of others, though it sometimes backfires because I’m a competitive f*ck. I see folks taking off and reaching new heights, while I still feel (at points) like I’m trying to get off the ground. What has taken me years to accomplish, some people are knocking off in months. This must be how the Baby Boomers felt when the young whippersnappers started coming in and running sh*t. Difference is I don’t feel like my job is jeopardy. I just feel like I’m gonna be getting to the pie a lot later than everybody else, and nobody likes sloppy seconds. I refuse to be the last man on the train. I mean that exactly the way it sounds.
So here I am trying to figure out what the next move(s) will be. I know how to grow a site. I know how to write. I know what I enjoy writing about. I know what strains my brain. I know what type of people read my stuff. I know what type of people don’t. I know what most folks like to read daily. I know that I wanna make this a career and put an end to the 9 to 5 foolery. I know that I wanna make serious money for my efforts by writing about things I’m passionate about. I know that I don’t wanna lose the following that I’ve worked so hard to gain by jumping into a niche that isn’t as interesting and far-reaching. I know that I still owe a lot of folks out there dividends in return for their investments and faith in my abilities. I know that this needs to happen sooner rather than later.
What I don’t know is how I’m going to accomplish all of this in the time frame I’d like. Patience has never been one of my strong points. Be unprepared when I come to pick you up and you’ll see exactly what I mean. Might just slam your arm in the door.
I don’t know how I’m gonna assemble the cast I need to assemble to make this repetitive dream become a reality. I don’t know how I’m going to manage the growing expectations. I don’t know when I’m going to have this major breakthrough as writer. And quite frankly, I don’t know how I’m gonna manage my competitiveness as time goes on. It’s been my biggest strength and weakness. It’s also exposed some interesting personal characteristics that I’ll discuss once I’m where I wanna be. Hell, might even make it into a book or something. You never know. I just need this timeline to get to moving!
But for now, I’ll just continue to commit thoughts and ideas to paper and WordPress and hope for the best. Eventually all of this will come together and payoff. I just wanna get to the point where I can worry about a completely different set of problems rapido. What’s type without action though? Let me cross this post off my list, eat this bland dinner rich in preservatives, and figure out what’s important and reasonable.
Good to be back. And though I haven’t said it in a while, God is Good.
The Energizer Bawse,