It's getting close to that time.
When I set up TRSJ, my goal was to have a place where I could post what I wanted when I wanted with no regard for traffic, comment count, subscribers, schedule, etc. And though I’d use this site to write like nobody’s watching, I knew that those who were interested in my thoughts beyond my posts at Single Black Male would be listening…reading…whatever. Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere. Just needed to say that because it was on my mind when I started writing this post.
As you can probably tell, I’ve been all over the place with my writing lately. Well, that’s if I’ve been writing at all. It has nothing to do with lack of interest. It’s more so that I’ve started finding new opportunities and discovering interests and talents that I didn’t know existed until recently. I’ve also been frolicking in spreadsheets creating budgets, schedules, to-do lists, and project plans for every aspect of my life. It’s the first time I’ve been this organized in a while. Actually, this is the first time I’ve been this organized ever and I think it’ll stick. Pause.
It wasn’t too long ago that I relinquished my regular Monday writing spot at SBM to Most (@MrSpradley) and went to a twice a month posting schedule (now on Fridays). And since I like to keep it incredibly honest here, Monday traffic on SBM has soared to new levels in terms of reader interaction and traffic. For the site, this was 1 of the best decisions I’ve made. For myself, it turned out to be 1 of the best decisions I’ve made even though I went through a stretch where I scratched my head and wondered stuff like:
- Damn, was my writing really that booty bunz?
- Did I really chase people away from the site that much?
- Is this negro taking blog steroids? If so, where can I get my dose?
I don’t expect people to totally understand these thoughts. I also don’t expect or need folks chiming in offering public critiques. Just know that I’m competitive and overanalyze things sometimes. It’s also a strange feeling to step back from something you’ve invested so much time in and watch it improve leaps and bounds without you. Add in that once the change was officially announced, I watched the excitement and enthusiasm fill my timeline on Twitter and on SBM. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel kinda shitty. But, sometimes you gotta give the people what they want. I’ve gotten over it since then, but not without a few positive realizations.
Relationship blogging is where I came from, but it’s not the place I wanna raise my family. Without it, I’m probably still a fledgling blogger by night and a peddler of oversized and obsolete x-ray machines by day. And as it stands now, relationship blogging is a niche of entertainment and sounding boards. When I write a relationship post, my first step is to figure out how I’ll entertain the audience. I have a sense of humor and write well, so I begrudgingly get through it. But I’d be in a much better place mentally if the first step in regularly drafting a post was to figure out how I can help the audience. Granted, if someone laughed at 1 of my euphemisms or intricately crafted jokes, then I’ve technically helped them have a better day but that’s not what I mean here. Put more simply, I wanna be a resource and not just a source of entertainment. It’s time to define my own path and not be at the disposal of those that demand more than they’re capable of producing themselves.
I’ve accepted that if I break from the niche completely that I’ll be doing myself a tremendous disservice; so I’ll continue to write relationship posts, appear at relationship-oriented events, share my opinion on relationship topics where asked, and anything else that’ll help me get to where I wanna go since most folks know that’s my hometown. Just know that if I’m still known as another “relationship blogger” at this time next year that I’ll consider myself no different than the homie on the corner in Albany, NY talking about a high school basketball game in 2001. To quote 50 Cent, “that ain’t good.”
But I still won’t half-ass a post,
Could b that the celebration that you witnessed was God’s way of saying it’s time for you to step back and do your thing. I know we still have a pending convo about some of the stuff you said on Twitter so I’ll save most of the commentary for what you typed here for that. If it matters to you in anyway, I never read any of your shit on SBM, but I check this site frequently. And I definitely appreciate the contributions you make here.
Gotta love how real this post is. Props.
Men/adults make decisions that are best for the family/the long term, even when it’s not the popular/fun/personally fulfilling choice. You should be very proud of all that you’ve accomplished at SBM, you’ve grown it leaps and bounds.
I’m excited for your future *puts on shades to protect my eyes*.
I’m rocking my shades too.lol
I like both but I prefer TRSJ.
I’m proud of you, Coach.
Put more simply, I wanna be a resource and not just a source of entertainment.
But what kind of resource specifically? Or are you still fleshing that out?
The “resource” part is already determined. Just don’t wanna announce it publicly yet. Appreciate you regularly checking in though.
Here’s what I’ve noticed about myself (and this may not relate to you at all). But I frequent AOL, CNN, and even ESPN everyday so I can read the news and get play-by-plays & score updates on games that I can’t (or don’t care to) watch. I never, EVER comment on these websites. Hardly anybody knows that AOL is my homepage, and nobody cares that 95% of my “favorites” list is composed of CNN articles. I value these websites and I wouldn’t like it all if I couldn’t have them. My point is that you can’t always judge appreciation by participation.
As far as SBM, I think based on the title alone, you attract readers who want to read about dating & relationships from the single black male perspective. So, yes, if you introduce anything differently from what they expect, then you may not get the response you desired. But that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Entertainment has always & will always create more buzz than education, but that’s not an excuse for us to stop learning & growing.
And maybe you were somewhat losing interest in what you were writing about and readers could smell it. When the next guy gets “bored” with it, he’ll pass the torch, too. But you have a personal blog & the freedom to write whatever your mind & fingers see fit. Write what you like & don’t worry about the rest.
I fux with this. Thanks for dropping your thoughts. You shed light on some other things to consider. It’s gonna be interesting moving forward. But as you noted, this will always be a place to share whatever comes to mind.
*slows claps*
And the church said: Amen.
I will be excited to see what comes of your ventures. Sometimes change is hard, but good. I really enjoy reading this site. Your honesty, rawness and wit is so refreshing. Somehow, no matter what the subject most blogs turn into a battle of the sexes/relationship argument. It kinda get old. Coming here is a nice break.
Continued success sir
I fell off the blogs for a quick minute, but before I left you were quiet on SBM. I was wondering what was going on. I am just glad you are not gone
Keep movin’ forward and don’t put yourself in a box. You offer a lot. Every time I go to Trader Joe’s I laugh thinking about your blog.
Lol, I think of this blog every time I go to Trader Joe’s too.
yay!
Super real. I feel you though. I was featured on someone else’s blog and when that happened my stats went through the roof. It was eye opening for me like—-wow. However, she has been blogging a bit longer and has a smidge more time to dedicate to her blog than I do. I accept that. You and I have e-mailed before and cyber snickered at the notion of this whole blogging concept. I am so proud of the fact that the realness in this comes off in a way where no one should be administering an eye roll, side-eye or any random twitches of the eye your way. Humble sincerity at its finest my friend.
Great post, totally feel you. I always read your blogs on SBM and followed you here as I was not as interested in the “entertainment” over there anymore.
All the best. Keep progressing.
Thanks for dropping in. Good to know folks are making their way over!
I am new to this site, and so far I have enjoyed each post I’ve read. Sometimes, we have to recreate ourselves to be the best person we can be. As you stated, you could be doing a disservice to yourself by switching it up. But you could be doing even more of a disservice to yourself by not taking a chance, and allowing yourself to possibly create a different following. Good luck w/ur future endeavors! I’ll be reading!