Amongst other things
I’ve always been a bad kid. And when I say bad, I don’t mean like Macaualay Culkin in The Good Son, Damien in The Omen, or the little girl in Orphan. I mean bad as in disruptive, innocuously mischievous, foul-mouthed, and (since I learned how babies were really created) dirty-minded. It wasn’t far-fetched for a teacher to hear a crayon hit the wall or a burp when she was writing on the chalk board. It wasn’t uncommon for her to turn around and see me scrambling off the top of my desk. Losing a dare wasn’t an option. It also wasn’t surprising to hear me snickering at “spine” because I confused it with “sperm.” But when I did hear “sperm,” the laughter was uncontainable.
In elementary school, I was the kid that just missed straight A’s by getting a B in listening. In retrospect, I think it was a plot by the man to keep me off the high honor roll at P.S. 20. We won’t talk about that U I used to get for conduct and how I set the record for the smartest kid to ever get sent to the principal’s office no less than 30 times between kindergarten and 6th grade. Somehow I still managed to get out of there with the highest grades in the school. Shout out to the parental units.
The misbehavior continued into middle school, but not without evolving. One time during band camp computer lab, we were asked to write a short story on any topic. I chose to write about an evil ruler named Lord Kumquat that resided on the planet “Splurge of Hi-C.” It was a well-written piece that came out just how I wanted on that paper where you had to fold and tear the edges off each side. I remember hanging it up in the hallway along with the rest of my classmates’ works, seeing people crowd around mine and laugh, then getting summoned to Sister Kate’s, the moo-moo principal’s, office during my next class for interrogation on my advanced usage of double-entendres. I’d visit her office several times over the course of those 2 years and receive a myriad of punishments including in-school suspension for teaming up with Anthony, a partner in crime, to throw snowballs at a rival school bus.
**Sidenote: I think that many of the unfortunate occurrences that have happened to me over the years can be traced back to this suspension. During this punishment, I had to come in and clean the church that was adjacent to the school. Anthony and I went into the area where the priest kept the wine and communion bread and had a little feast. I’m pretty sure God has been punishing me sporadically for years for going into his cookie jar and liquor cabinet.**
Add on to the suspension the unpleanstries of the loss of my scholarship to Bishop Maginn High School — which turned out to be one of the best things that ever happened to me — and my expulsion from middle school right before 8th grade graduation. The last memory I have of my time at St. James is Sister Kate telling me that I’d never amount to anything. I hope Jesus makes her wait.
I expected high school to be the time where I really matured…but I was still bad — signifcantly less bad but still bad nonetheless. Good grades would continue in parallel with advanced levels of foolery. By the time I was a senior at my catholic all-boy military high school, I ranked 4th in my class and oversaw half the students as part of the JROTC program. Yes, you read right. I said a catholic military high school. But yo, can you imagine a mischievous black kid leading 150 white kids at a parade? I was Lt. Colonel Barack up in that b*tch. And without my experience there, I don’t think I’d have gone to Cornell. If I ended up at Maginn, I’m pretty sure I’d have went somewhere less savory.
During pre-freshman orientation up in Ithaca, the instructor told us to take a quick break. I stood up and started doing jumping jacks. That was probably the 2nd or 3rd to last time I’d blatantly “act up” in class. I started to prefer sleep instead.
Over the course of those 4 years, I’d continue to make inappropriate comments (outside class), use AOL Instant messenger as a viral sounding board, chase chicks, join questionable but hilarious Facebook groups, and submit group projects with team names like “Team Blastoff.” Just before college graduation, I asked one of my boys “Do you ever think we’ll ever actually be mature?” His response was simple:
“I don’t know man. I think this is just who we are.”
Beefing with a mannequin circa 2010
That was 2005 and this is 2011. People still call me silly and I can still be caught doing foolish things like walking sideways, making innuendos, and getting into confrontations with mannequins. My friend said this is who we are, so I guess this is just who I am. The biggest difference is I’ve learned when to turn it on and off, up and down. I guess that’s the maturity part that I’ve been wondering about all these years. I’ll never shed who I am, but some layers just aren’t meant for everybody.
In closing, I’ll say this. Maturity doesn’t have to mean the end of fun and the beginning of seriousness about everything in life. You don’t have to lose the most enjoyable aspects of your existence to present the image of being an adult that has his or her sh*t together. You just need to be aware. And to me, that’s like 90% of the battle.
But honestly though, maturity is overrated.
Grown Folkenly,
That picture is just too precious…lmfao
Mannequins stay talkin’ shit, don’t they?!
Slim, you’re gonna grow up the same time I do. Never looks and sounds about right. LOL but all I can think of is our chicken moment & that was probably one of the funniest moments ever. As long as you’re not still doing child sh!t as a grown man, and people can actually see growth into an adult (and whatnot), I think we’re all good. But some people just remain kids.. You’re good money though Slim Jay
great post.
Kicked out of middle school? wow you didn’t play.
I actually wish I had acted up for in grade school..considering I have less freedom to do it now. Being a good kid is overrated.
“Kicked out of middle school? wow you didn’t play.”
Playing is what got me kicked out in the first place.lol
um nice post dude. I know some days I just don’t want to be mature.
sn: you got a big booty
Have a nice day
GREAT! still laughing out LOUD~
Aye! I’ma need yall to hold off on the rear references. Dudes read this blog too. lol.
Maturity doesn’t have to mean the end of fun and the beginning of seriousness about everything in life. You don’t have to lose the most enjoyable aspects of your existence to present the image of being an adult that has his or her sh*t together. You just need to be aware.
Amen to that!
But u do have a fat lil bookie though lol. *im sorry*
Hey every now and then you need to add some spice to this thing we call life. As a teacher I am cringing at some of your wild antics:) I often know sometimes in a classroom that some behavior is just innate and my sweet kiddies can’t help themselves. I think your ‘badness’ is a good -if that seems possible-part of who you are. You give people laughter and that is worth a whole lot
I was wondering if any teachers would see this. I would’ve been an nightmare for some of yall. I’m about 99.4% sure.
As a middle school teacher myself, I would have hated to see you coming. On some old, “Why isn’t he ever absent?!” ish.
hilarious.
LOL @ i hope Jesus makes her wait.
having a silly side is a good thing in life. fun people are fun. i’m sure your teachers wanted to kill you and they probably thought you were being disciplined horribly at home, but i think you turned out aight. lol
and *raps* …he got a donk.
lol.
^^@Muze, “he got a donk” I swear as soon as I saw that pic, I heard the beat of that song in my head. Heehee.. nothing wrong with being swole in the rear, Slim. Pause?
I think maturity is relative. I know how to be a goofball and how to be a #bawse when necessary. Right now I’m walking into a meeting dressed conservatively to discuss fiscal projections, and changing my caption on Gtalk to “Woke up, pissed excellence…” It’s allllll in the timing.
And I will do a little boogie at any time, place or juncture. If I hear a beat in my head, I will get it in.
D@mn, Slim J got a fatty boom batty. *cues Bring it Back*…Wait that’s kind of gay, nevermind.
See this is reason #3582 why I can’t judge blog negroes off of what they type. I pinned you as the serious, drink tea with the pinky finger raised type dude. I didn’t know you is team Act A Fool. THIS is exactly how I feel about maturity. I sweatagod the only thing that saved me in life was being book smart and knowing how to charm aka manipulate people. School days was a blast and I don’t regret a single thing…neither should you.
When it comes to doing what you need to do in life, you get an A for effort and a B for big booty.
Okay imma stop.
I’m pretty sure 75% of people online interpret me wrong. And I’m mad at getting a B.lol. I shall say no more.
Well your avi definitely helped build a false imagination based profile of you personality lol.
Hmm let’s add some punctuation so that makes sense, lol:
Well, your avi definitely helped build a false, imagination-based profile of your personality lol.
I got through it the first time. I automatically insert punctuation where necessary. Pause need be necessary.
This was an enjoyable read and the comments were too funny. Silly is walking into coldstone while on a diet. Maturity is ordering the stmall when you really want large. Cool post Slim. LOL
*eats a bowl of fatty ice cream at 815am*
Being is mischievous was waaaay more fun then being a good girl. I tried both out.
Went to an all girl private school and managed to maintain good grades whilst instigating many a great prank. including
Gluing a teacher to their chair,
locking the librarian in the library,
stealing hymn numbers,
grafitii
underage drinking
Faking letters about overnight “school trips”
All harmless hijinx needed to express frustration and boredom, I figure they helped me learn about consequence and my own limits so in my adulthood I already know how far I can go with shenanigans.
And if I ever have kids, I’ll be ready.
Shenanigans continues to be one of my favorite words.lol
Sounds amazing with a British accent. Trust me on this.
I literally laughed out loud at least 4 times reading this one! Thanks for the mini tour of your badassness and the peak at…. (I won’t say it since you already know and have heard all about it today.) Nice pic.
U ole immature bastid!
lOL
I think you grew into the person you were supposed to become. Thats whats key. Good post!
To answer your question – no.
But that’s OK. As long as you handle your business and act like a presentable human being at select events and times you’re good.
My dad’s not mature. He’s made me laugh at the most inappropriate times, like funerals. Yes, funerals.
That man gives me hope.
lol smh @ mannequin beef. I see the booty, too. I’m actually surprised by at least 80% of what I read on this post. I knew you were silly, but never pegged you for a troublemaker. Maturity is about knowing that there’s a time and place for everything, and it sounds as though you’ve come to that realization. Most people simultaneously think of me as mature and silly.
lol smh, I thought this post didn’t go through cuz I didn’t put my info in. You can go ‘head and delete this. Please and thanks.
lol smh @ mannequin beef. I see the booty, too. I’m actually surprised by 80% of what I read on this post. I knew you were silly, but never had you pegged as a troublemaker. Maturity is about knowing that there’s a time and place for everything, and it sounds as though you’ve come to that realization. Most people simultaneously think of me as mature and silly.
Sounds like regular growing pains to me Slim — enjoyed the write, you’re just fine.
Growing up around tons of boys and teaching for about 4yrs made me realize that most of little boys’/girls’ naughty behaviours/pranks occur as a result of boredom. Although some children are more rambunctious than others, most of it is natural.
To me maturity is all about boundaries – acknowledging their existence and respecting them. As long you’re able to do that, please have fun. I have a serious and calm facade especially when it comes to important stuff but close friends/relatives know that I love being silly and I’ll do just about anything for a good laugh. That stuff keeps you young! I’m still lol(ing) at your beef with the mannequin.
Ha! I cracked up at this!
Maturity is overrated…I’m late to the party but I must say I thought you would be different in real life. Like a real serious, nerdy dude. I was pleasantly surprised to find out you’re not….I mean you danced holding an umbrella. *cackles loudly and leaves post*
These off-base perceptions are simultaneously hilarious and disappointing. I think the lesson learned here is you never really know someone until you meet them/have a conversation with them. I’m learning very quickly that I can’t control what people think and that if I do try to control what they think, that I’m ultimately gonna end up stressed out.
Think about it though, Slim. Sure, you throw a few jokes here and there in posts on your personal blog and sometimes on SBM, but for the most part you tend to address people in a very direct, dry manner. That’s not an insult, I just mean that a great percentage of your comments in addition to your post come across as serious. If they don’t follow you on twitter or have you on Gchat, people have no other means of gauging your character.
Fair enough. Like I said though, I can’t control what people think online. Though if I had to pick between being cool online and wack in real life vs. what’s being said here…I’d choose this all day every day. Appreciate the input.
My pleasure. And don’t get me wrong, I think most people do realize overtime that there is a cool, light side to you (and I doubt many people, if any, think you’re wack at all). It’s mostly the extent to which you can be silly that’s a surprise. I’m fairly tame and serious-y on SBM and about the inter webs, but I can be abso-stoopidly-unserious elsewhere and in person. But, like the BackStreet Boys sang, “I waaant it thaaaaaaat way”.