I was gonna write something inspirational for today…then I put on my pants for work and everything changed. These weren’t your ordinary pants. These were special pants — my favorite pants of years past. They used to be the go-to pants for events requiring slacks and assertiveness. Yes, I could’ve worn anything today, but I was determined to wear these pants.
As soon as I slid one leg in, I knew I and my ability to procreate were in trouble. I raised my head to infant bronze Jesus and asked for salvation, but he spared me no mercy with these pants. It was at that moment that I knew I had no choice but to wear the burden in the cloth as punishment for my fast food transgressions. Like you, when things get hectic, my eating habits go to complete booboogas. Salads turn into hood chinese food (the hooder the gooder) and my dreams become Papa John’s ads.
Don’t get it twisted though. I’m no Sloppy Slim. I look like I could still get on a football field, or plow through a stagnant grocery line on the 1st or the 15th to purchase my double-stuffed oreos. I even had aspirations of playing basketball again and dunking on someone…until I put on these pants and my
seams dreams were ripped to pieces.
You could say that wearing uncomfortable clothing is an act of stupidity or denial about one’s predicament, but I’m wearing these pants today as punishment, acceptance, and inspiration. There will be no grieving for the thighs of yesterday. There will only be a focus on the thighs of tomorrow. This doesn’t need to be a resolution. It needs to be an unwavering lifestyle change.
So as you’re chowing down and proclaiming 2012 as your year, take some time to think about your health and what it means to you. Think about what you could be doing to keep yourself optimal and in fighting trim. Start working on one small change you can make per day (i.e. more water or less cheetos) and stick to it for a month, since it takes about that long for a habit to hold.
Do this in remembrance of me…and my pants. For today will be a day of discomfort.
Two-Stepping with the Utmost Care and Shallow Breaths,