This might work if I was actually skinny. Actually, it wouldn't work at all. Ever. Too Big Too Wide. Pause.
I was gonna write something inspirational for today…then I put on my pants for work and everything changed. These weren’t your ordinary pants. These were special pants — my favorite pants of years past. They used to be the go-to pants for events requiring slacks and assertiveness. Yes, I could’ve worn anything today, but I was determined to wear these pants.
As soon as I slid one leg in, I knew I and my ability to procreate were in trouble. I raised my head to infant bronze Jesus and asked for salvation, but he spared me no mercy with these pants. It was at that moment that I knew I had no choice but to wear the burden in the cloth as punishment for my fast food transgressions. Like you, when things get hectic, my eating habits go to complete booboogas. Salads turn into hood chinese food (the hooder the gooder) and my dreams become Papa John’s ads.
Don’t get it twisted though. I’m no Sloppy Slim. I look like I could still get on a football field, or plow through a stagnant grocery line on the 1st or the 15th to purchase my double-stuffed oreos. I even had aspirations of playing basketball again and dunking on someone…until I put on these pants and my seams dreams were ripped to pieces.
You could say that wearing uncomfortable clothing is an act of stupidity or denial about one’s predicament, but I’m wearing these pants today as punishment, acceptance, and inspiration. There will be no grieving for the thighs of yesterday. There will only be a focus on the thighs of tomorrow. This doesn’t need to be a resolution. It needs to be an unwavering lifestyle change.
So as you’re chowing down and proclaiming 2012 as your year, take some time to think about your health and what it means to you. Think about what you could be doing to keep yourself optimal and in fighting trim. Start working on one small change you can make per day (i.e. more water or less cheetos) and stick to it for a month, since it takes about that long for a habit to hold.
Do this in remembrance of me…and my pants. For today will be a day of discomfort.
Two-Stepping with the Utmost Care and Shallow Breaths,
LMAO. I’m mad you still _wore_ them, omg. Wasn’t the act of trying them on enough?! Mane. That 5 pound gain over the holidays was real. Sigh.
I figure the 9 hours of discomfort will be a permanent reminder.lol
LOL. I didn’t gain much, but I softened a bit. I’m wearing my looser sweaters for the moment, and getting back on my gym regimen. I’ve lost 90lbs since my largest weight, and I’m serious about not going back there.
I look at conquering weight loss like conquering an addiction; an addiction to delicious food. And it’s everywhere, so you really have to take it one day at a time. I hit bottom when I noticed burgeoning stretch marks on my stomach and signed up for Camp Shane (inspiration for the movie “Heavy Weights” and featured on MTV’s “True Life: I Went to Fat Camp”. I lost 23lbs in 6 weeks, and, despite some modest gain in college and again when I moved to NYC and couldn’t afford a gym, I’ve kept it off and lost more.
Weight Watchers is not my best friend. Been on it for over a year now and lost that last 25lbs to get me to normal BMI. During the holidays, I don’t eat every dang thing, but I do slack off on the exercise a bit and use all my weekly allowance points. That results in a 2-4lb gain and loss of a bit of muscle tone, but nothing returning to the gym after the holidays won’t fix.
Seriously, true and lasting weight loss (and substantial weight loss, as I needed), is WAY more than a New Year’s Resolution. See y’all in the gym.
Hahahahaha
As a woman I’ve done this numerous times but never knew dudes had the same issue. Just call it the European look.
And what if you split your pants? I’m not trying to jinx you..
Banana Republic is on the other side of the building. So if I have a catastrophe, I know right where to go. Well, there or home.
LOL, this guy *smh*
Watch, he gets hit on tons today and decides to keep showing off the goods from now on
#TeamThighs
#TeamThighs for the win even though I’m trying to lose!
Knock that ish off, like the girl with a nice @ss always complaining it’s too big lol…why you fighting nature :-p Staying healthy should be your only guide-some of us like a lil meat on the bone, especially in the form of a muscular propulsion mechanism for the Meat *bats eyes*
” There will be no grieving for the thighs of yesterday. There will only be a focus on the thighs of tomorrow. ”
This is now my mission statement for 201/
I’m done lamenting over the amazing dance body I lost in 2009, found in 2010 and effed up with a new job and comfort eating in 2011.
I looking forward to meeting my new Vegas body in march 2012.
*celebrates with a Swiss ball crunch*
LOL!!! ive never done this, but maybe this could serve as a good punishment for me as well. im too emotionally fragile to do this, bcuz simply trying on something that doesnt fit damn near brings me to tears.
but im on my new workout schedule and eating plan so hopefully i wont have to punish myself in such a cruel manner. but i’ll definitely keep it in mind next time i get outta control LOL
I.AM.DEAD. x_x lol. After Thanksgiving, Christmas and my birthday/ New Year’s I have to go on a food fast because the same thing described happens to my clothes. I blame evil elves.
LOL! Thank you for the sacrifice *doing the sign of the cross* May God bless your seams.
I think i read some where that tight jeans on guys messes up the little homies down there. Might wanna be careful or you may have other issues lol.
And do like I do, blame it on the dryer! *shrug*
HOLLERS!!!!!!
I hope you don’t have “bulge” action at the office, you work in HR!!! LOL!!!
I been waiting for the opportunity to do a Mel Gibson in What Women Want.lol
*sings* “he got a big egooooo…”
…and now your entire workplace will know if you do. lmbo.
you are a fool.
i’m just cutting out fast food. i initially lost 5 lbs when i moved here… now i think i’ve gained them back. damn fried food. grr!
good post.
I feel you man, to some extent anyway. While I may be the true “Slim”, I’m still concerned with my diet. Just because I have a high-metabolism doesn’t mean I can eat everything I want anymore.
After a friend of mine announced in front of a whole dinner party that my inner fat man bodies a lot of desserts, my thoughts immediately went to the diabetes that runs in my family. Now I look at every piece of sugary delight with a o_O. And it ain’t easy. Everyone knows I’m not one to really second guess what I’m eating.
Pause? It’s been awhile, not sure about the rules nowadays.
Anyway, despite my sweet tooth, 2012 will be the beginning of sugar moderation. Because even though I stay lean and mean, I don’t want my heart doing the Percolator while I’m working out one day.
*waves at Seattle*
*dies at the image of a heart doing the Percolator* bwahahaa
Great post! Please allow me to co-sign/testify. Right around Thanksgiving I tried on my hot “go to” pencil skirt. Well at least it used to be a pencil skirt. . .I kinda looked like an apple. I ain’t trip. (Translation: had slight panic attack and tried on a whole bunch of other fancy clothes that no longer fit.).
Short story shorter: I am making slow and steady changes to the way I eat (portion control!!!!) and I signed up for a 5K and 10K in the next few months to get myself moving. I’ve lost 11 pounds so far. 14 pounds to go. After all, Summer 2012 waits for no woman (or man!)
This made me laugh, I love the fact that you still wore them. And I have simply refused to buy new pants in new sizes, this forces me to make a change since my wardrobe is severely restricted otherwise.
Hey @Seattle!
A man with some defined thighs in a pair of slim-fitting slacks is not necessarily a bad thing, Slim.
For myself, I managed to slim down somewhat in 2011 (about 10#s) and kept that loss over the dreaded Holiday eating season. The plan is to continue on the path to a healthier me this year. I’m supposed to be exercising… Instead I just made a (rather fantastic, if I may commend myself) turkey lasagna and ate a bit too much of it. I blame this “stay inside and hibernate” weather.
GL on the fitness goals!
I so feel you on the struggle – when I’m stressed, I stay ordering McDonalds fries….my biggest vice. I’m also the worst drunk eater – so I’m curtailing my alcohol intake for a while ( i say that now…). Im giving myself til my bday in mid-April to gain the 15 lbs Ive gained in the past 18 mos and REFUSING to buy bigger clothes…so I may have to do a pants dance or twp myself lol.
the struggle i know nothing about. i’m still trying to better my eating habits in 2012. more fruits and veggies and less fried foods.
**casts evil eye your way**
random, totally unrelated question. How do you all get your avatars up when you comment?
Gravatar.com holds the answer.
i see says the blind.
Is it slightly freakish that I kinda want to see just HOW tight those pants were?
Yes?
Oh.
And so glad to know that guys go through this same struggle.
I see I’m not the only brotha with that struggle.
From the title i didn’t know what i was walking in to lol. Good luck on your quest to trim down. Great post as always
“As soon as I slid one leg in, I knew I and my ability to procreate were in trouble”, lmao ,I can’t stop laughing !!
lol. Appreciate the comments Sandra. I see you!
If you were able to spend a day wearing those pants, then you are just a few pounds short of feeling comfortable in them again.
Did anything change since you wrote this post?
Yeah, i can wear the pants with comfort.