New York City is an interesting place. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t encounter something odd, which I guess makes it kinda normal. Yesterday I went out to grab lunch at the neighborhood Chinese food spot (Sometimes I just can’t help myself). When I walked in, there was a substantially large and grotesque woman chowing down on hood wings and french fries, chatting boisterously with a couple friends, and laughing loud enough to make one of the chefs drop some broccoli on the floor. She was rocking an xxxxxl white tee and sweat pants — not surprising given what would go down.
I just glanced at her, shook my head, and kept it moving. Coincidentally, I grabbed my food at the same time she was leaving. I got a few steps down the street and that’s when things got really weird.
“Young brother! Young brother!” she shouted from behind me. I turned around as not to be rude.
Can you spare something?
Nah. I ain’t got no cash or change. Have a great day.
Oh. Well, can I get some of your tea?
At this point, I was confused. What the f*ck was she talking about?
Huh? What tea?
“Can I get some of your tea?” she inquired again.
I don’t have any tea.
Yes you do. What’s that in your bag?
Umm, that’s wonton soup.
Nah, that’s tea. I know tea when I see it.
Nah. This is definitely soup. **People pass by wondering what we could possibly have in common**
Stop being selfish. You just don’t wanna share.
I was growing increasingly irritated. It felt like I had been stopped by someone selling Dead Sea skin products at a mall kiosk. On top of that, I’d never had someone question the contents of my bag other than the police and my mom.
Look, I don’t got any tea.
It’s alright. I don’t care anyway. Enjoy your tea. You selfish.
*Shrug * I am technically an only child.
She wasn’t amused, but I didn’t care. I turned around and did the road runner legs toward my building, General Tso in tow, and her dreams of tea deferred to another day.
Lesson learned: Always ask for a paper bag for your Chinese food. Otherwise someone might confuse your soup with their dreams.