New York City is an interesting place. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t encounter something odd, which I guess makes it kinda normal. Yesterday I went out to grab lunch at the neighborhood Chinese food spot (Sometimes I just can’t help myself). When I walked in, there was a substantially large and grotesque woman chowing down on hood wings and french fries, chatting boisterously with a couple friends, and laughing loud enough to make one of the chefs drop some broccoli on the floor. She was rocking an xxxxxl white tee and sweat pants — not surprising given what would go down.
I just glanced at her, shook my head, and kept it moving. Coincidentally, I grabbed my food at the same time she was leaving. I got a few steps down the street and that’s when things got really weird.
“Young brother! Young brother!” she shouted from behind me. I turned around as not to be rude.
Yes?
Can you spare something?
Nah. I ain’t got no cash or change. Have a great day.
Oh. Well, can I get some of your tea?
At this point, I was confused. What the f*ck was she talking about?
Huh? What tea?
“Can I get some of your tea?” she inquired again.
I don’t have any tea.
Yes you do. What’s that in your bag?
Umm, that’s wonton soup.
Nah, that’s tea. I know tea when I see it.
Nah. This is definitely soup. **People pass by wondering what we could possibly have in common**
Stop being selfish. You just don’t wanna share.
I was growing increasingly irritated. It felt like I had been stopped by someone selling Dead Sea skin products at a mall kiosk. On top of that, I’d never had someone question the contents of my bag other than the police and my mom.
Look, I don’t got any tea.
It’s alright. I don’t care anyway. Enjoy your tea. You selfish.
*Shrug * I am technically an only child.
She wasn’t amused, but I didn’t care. I turned around and did the road runner legs toward my building, General Tso in tow, and her dreams of tea deferred to another day.
Lesson learned: Always ask for a paper bag for your Chinese food. Otherwise someone might confuse your soup with their dreams.
The end.
-Slim
lmbo this story is HILARIOUS!! not only because she thought your soup was tea, but that she thought she deserved to have whatever it was that you had that she wanted. like, say it was tea. why are you selfish for not sharing some shit you paid for with a stranger?? makes NO sense. smdh
im going out for chinese today with my coworkers. im gonna get some wonton soup. thanks for the suggestion
See Gem this is an example of irrational crazy. There is a difference between being irrational crazy and rational crazy. All my sh*t is pre-thought out and calculated to make sense in my head. Chick aint make no sense asking to sip someone’s tea.
This lil thread is hilarious in itself. I got the leftovers to finish today. You know you can’t go beyond 24 hours with chinese food.
id even venture to say its leftover lifespan is only about 14-18hrs.
lol tammy stop trying to rationalize the fact that youre a nut case!! just maybe not as nutso as ol tea-drinkin debo
This is only funny to me because similar things have happened to me.
On one of my cheat days I cop a pizza and six pack of Bud. I pull into my apartment complex and the local bum/crackhead/vagrant/odorcarrier/thief is sitting on the steps. He and his three teeth are enjoying a 40.* I say “What’s up?”
He responds in a sing-songy geechie accent “Lemme get a slice and one of them Buudddd?”
I go “Nah cuz, I’m about commit murder on this here.”
He retorts in the aforementioned sing-songy geechie accent with some added angst “You ain’t got a play me man.”
You mad?
I love my people but they do get too familiar sometimes.
That soup does sound good right about now though.
*This is the same dude who tried to sell me deodorant out of his book bag a few weeks prior.
LOL @ deodorant in the book bag. Da hell?
Lol @ “local bum/crackhead/vagrant/odorcarrier/thief”
“I pull into my apartment complex and the local bum/crackhead/vagrant/odorcarrier/thief is sitting on the steps. He and his three teeth are enjoying a 40.”
I had to stop reading just to get myself together after reading this line…
LMBO!
*tears*
If she “knows tea when she sees it” she would’ve known you wouldn’t be carrying a cup of tea in a bag. Who does that? That ish cray.
Maybe ppl in the hood drink beverages out of a bag. Just sayin
Jesus make me a defibrillator OMG that story is wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiild
LMFAO! What the hell is going on in your city? First I hear paparazzi is stalking my girl Muse, now chicks is jackin chinese food? Like how you go from eating chicken wings and french fries to wanting tea? That’s like the burger/fries ppl who drink diet coke. She had to be crazy cause ppl haven’t shared food since Jesus’ days. Share more stories as this gave me a good laugh.
Yeah, Foxxy I’m going to keep my a** down South.
Only in New York!!!!
Motha fucka what?!!! Is what my response would have been!!!
Where they do that at?
O_@
This post has me hollering!
What in the hell?? Captain Crazy Pants needs to go away!! And if you did have tea–what did ahe want you, a mere stranger, to do–pour it in her damn hand??? Foolery
You shoulda asked her for her tea, and had her think you was crazy.
Somebody beat me to it, but seriously… who’s doing that? Like… WHAT?
I would’ve been so confused that a stranger stopped me to ask for my tea that I doubt I would’ve thought up ANYTHING to say!
in this woman’s defense…. the home made tea from the Chinese food store is irresistible. AND it is also sold in the same containers that they sell the wanton soup from.
~hood Chinese store expert.
LMAO!!!!
If she asked for your cornbread I would have been crying
Heaven help me!!! I…. Cain’t…..Breeeeeeve…..LMAO
x_x lolllll
q: french fries in a chinese shop doe?
Yall must do it different up there. Ain’t been to a chinese food spot here that didn’t serve french fries. I’d argue that hood wings and fries are their bestseller.
Nothing like good hood wings and fries…..yep
That story was hilarious…type sh** that mostly happens in DC, Philly, Jersey or NY.
Almost as bad as the homeless guy I gave my fries to when I came out the Mcdonalds, (this was in Philly btw). That bastard looked at em all crazy sniffed em and thru them straight to the ground…I wanted to go on his azz and cursed him out for wastin my food I bought and gave to him. Then my friends were like “girl quit trippin over a $2.00 bag of fries…..u gave them to him so whatever he does with them is his business. You weren’t gonna eat em anyway.” But that wasn’t the point. I hate to see folks wastin food.
OMG, it’s so funny !! I can’t stop laughing. thanks for sharing