Over the last couple months, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about my next steps with this online life. If you’ve been following along, it seems like I’m all over the place. I’m running track and talking the healthy life. I’m writing relationship articles. I’m talking about career and personal development. I’m writing a lot then writing a little and making promises on post frequency that I haven’t been able to keep. But with all that I’ve been involved in, good things have continued to happen for me. I’ve been given the opportunity to write for online magazines and have been recognized for all the blood, sweat, and tears that I’ve put in over the last four years. I’ve been nominated for awards, had video features, and had plaques and trophies on my bookshelf that I didn’t even know were possible when I started out. But the one question I keep coming back to is what does all this mean?
For all the things I’ve accomplished, I still don’t feel completely satisfied. I still have a lot further to go. I still have a message that needs to be heard and purpose that remains unfulfilled. Writing about relationships was something that fell in my lap. When I first started blogging, it seemed like a good idea. It was something that I was interested in and had a lot of thoughts I wanted to share. But over time, it became something else. Something challenging. Something cliché. Something that opportunistic men chose to discuss when they had bigger ambitions they hadn’t disclosed. The idea of writing about relationships became a dishonest pursuit that was the internet’s version of being a used car salesman.
I grew tired of it. I grew frustrated by it. It didn’t matter if my intentions were good. People saw me a certain way and I didn’t like it. I felt like I’d been relegated to playing a role.
I remember having a decent “following” and feeling appreciative that people supported me. I also remember what happened the first time I disclosed that I was in a relationship. Twitter followers disappeared. Many of the readers on my blog post day disappeared. Things changed. It was both disheartening and intriguing. I had to work twice as hard to get the same response. And the worst part for me was that I felt nothing was different about me other than my relationship status.
So I made a promise to myself that I would no longer talk about my relationships. I’d no longer let people know what was going on in that department of my life — no matter how happy I was. The pageviews went back up, but I felt unhappy being unable to disclose some of the happier moments of my life. To keep it real, it f*cking sucked.
You could say that these were self-imposed standards, but the numbers didn’t lie. The more single I appeared, the better things got for me and the more opportunities presented themselves. The more my opinion suddenly appeared to matter, as if a man who’s just in a relationship that has an opinion is automatically less valid than a man that’s engaged or married.
I guess it makes sense, but my experience and progress should be part of my story. You know, the stuff that makes me, me. But I’ve found over time that women don’t care to hear about that in the present tense. They want to hear about it in the future or the past. To have hope or to see that I’ve committed to vows. But to have current happiness with someone of the opposite sex is to be someone less credible unless there’s a ring on it. Quite backwards if you ask me, but that’s what the internet has shown me.
So what exactly does Slim Jackson mean today?
It means personal development, growth, experience and realism. It means that I’m not the elusive man every woman is trying to catch. It means that I’m for some people and not for others. Slim Jackson is mature. Slim doesn’t believe in capitalizing on singledom and telling women what they need to do to find a man. That’s actually never been my steeze, but a lot of people haven’t interpreted it that way.
Slim means hard work and dedication to pursuing whatever it is you’re most passionate about. Slim supports being the best you and accepting all your faults and recognizing how they’re your greatest strengths. And as my meaning has changed, so has the number of people that pay attention to what I have to say. It bothered me at first, but I’ve realized that if you can’t identify with my trials and tribulations, you aren’t meant to transcribe my message. What’s the bigger picture to me may be a channel you don’t care to watch. And quite honestly, that’s okay.
I can write this and know that most of the people reading here get it. But I needed to get this out. It’s something that had to be conveyed for where I plan to go in the future. I’m not concerned with how it damages this brand or causes me to lose people. I’m concerned with those that are willing to stick around and accept where I’m going and where I’ll be happiest. I’ll continue to talk about the myriad of topics that interest me. I’ll reintroduce the personal happiness that comes with relationships. I’ll continue to be the best me that I’ve always been with no concern for who falls off along the way. I won’t be a slave to a Klout score, follower count, or arbitrary metric that makes my passion feel like a job.
I just want to broadcast my general happiness. There’s a lot to the puzzle. What good am I doing if I’m hiding the pieces?
Slim
I’m with it. Loving the progression, and the people will continue to rock with you no matter what.
~britni
Excellent post. If there’s been one thing that’s been good & refreshing to read actually is how you’ve chronicled your journey so far. It’s not linear, or always consistent, but then again, that’s life outside of the “blogosphere” as well – which once again is refreshing. It may not seem as such, but the strides you’ve made thus far and have decided to disclose is inspiring, even if us readers (like myself – a long time lurker) don’t always say it. Continue on your path.
Thanks for dropping in. And true indeed about progress not being linear. Will continue to keep talking about the challenges along the way!
Kudos to you. I am doing a “life makeover” for myself for various reasons that I might share one day. What I like most about TRSJ is that it is written like you are sitting down having a conversation with your readers. as an introvert I appreciate it. I dont feel like I have to be the prettiest, smartest, or funniest to comment. Reading this blog is helping me in my own rediscovery of self. Keep up the good work
My s.exy! YAY to life makeovers. I’m doing one too. It’s rough in the beginning but it becomes refreshing and peaceful.
You been around for a hot minute. Definitely appreciated! Will continue to have fireside chats.lol
Im always in your e-corner slimster! I think to expect your writing to one faceted is to expect you to be one-dimensional which is unfair. Keep writing. The ones that should stay will!
That’s a shame if you lost some followers or readers just because you disclosed your relationship status. Well, every problem has its solutions, so DUMP YOUR GIRLFRIEND and everything will get back to normal. I am kidding but you might need to consider another audience : MEN, I mean if you do more subjects about ” men things”, you will probably get more views. But, like you said, you don’t want to be a slave to follower count, so…
You’re ambitious, intelligent and good-looking, so of course, some women will be disappointed to know that you’re in a relationship.
Anyway, I really like the content of your sites and I look forward to reading your articles on iamrichjones and hopefully, you can answer to the e-mail that I sent you.
Thanks Sandra. Will follow up on that email today. Still a little behind there!
I loved loved loved this post! I am very proud of you for writing this and for the progress with everythin else. I believe, as time passes the people who matter will find you. You write for you and eventually your readers, the audience finds you. (Bernice McFadden told me this). I find in writing to my satisfaction, it’s been a blessing
I do find interesting what you wrote that ppl were saying about you. Like really? That’s what they think? They can have a seat. I never saw any of that coming from your posts.
Loving your direction and everything you’re headed towards.
Agreed on the writing for self. Just need to find a way to do more of it! Thanks for the support as always.
I love what you wrote & I am with you. It motivates me to write my raw feelings when I blog. Thank you for your words of advice. Keep up the excellent work……many young writers will appreciate your advice!
Sharing your stories of love, happiness and contentment can have the potential for envy and jealousy. But you gotta keep it real and set the example for your readers to bask in the goodness and happiness of their lives. Our society does a lot of focusing on the perceived negative, because the positivity of others can cause those listening/reading to personalize on why positivity lacks in their own lives. We all have the ability to inspire and invoke love and positivity, we also have to choose how our perceptions of others affects us as individuals.
I am inspired by your drive to be a competitor again, I am inspired by your desire to be healthy and try new things, like Yoga (loved that post). I am inspired by watching you bask in the excitement of learning professionally, physically, emotionally and romantically.
Thanks. Your thoughts are valued and appreciated, even if most times I lurk in the background.
That first paragraph is really ridiculously real. Hadn’t thought about it that way, but it makes a lot of sense as to why people would go elsewhere when someone starts consistently sharing good news. And thanks for the kind words on inspiration!
I entirely co-sign with the first paragraph. That’s a shame, but I guess sucess isolates in a way since the more successful you become, the less friends you will have.
I would much rather read about whats real. So I can’t wait for future post!!!!
Good post, Slim. It’s far too easy to fall into something and become a slave because it’s what’s “expected” even as your motivations, goals, and interests evolve. People do it all the time and it takes a certain amount of courage to move forward.
Wooooow. This needed to be said and I’m glad you let it out. I’ve been ghost because work has been mollywhoppin my @SS! Like for real. I know I need to do better because I love your blog. I never understood women when it comes to relating to men who are taken. You have some who respect it, some who will ignore and continue to throw panties, some who will try to poison your chick and others who will act like you’re dead to them. I see it everyday and it’s disgusting. My man has hundreds more FB friends than I do. This guy could say he’s eating a taco and he’ll have 50 likes and comments from women asking what kind of sauce is on that thang. When he changed his FB status to “in a relationship”, he got 12 likes…12! and I think like 4 comments saying Congrats. LMAO! That’s life and it’s sad. Slim, the women who act this way have been exposed. You don’t need it anyway because they’re the same ones who will get mad at you for using inflammatory out of context. Eff em. Chicks need to stop hustling taken men and learn to respect ppl and themselves. It’s not that serious in these streets. Keep sharing yourself. That makes you more real and your writing more interesting.
Okay bye.
And can I say that your woman is FINE and I’m so happy for you two. Eff em.
….meanwhile you got like 40 likes on your status change. lol
He tryna get 100 Muze….40 is not enough..lol
Great post Slim! When it comes to dating/relationships, yeah it’s hard, yeah it’s a numbers game, and yeah you might get hurt. But what’s the alternative? Critiquing and being snarky about other people’s willingness to take that chance on happiness? -_- Personally if a writer stays static in his/her writing over a long period of time, I’ll lose interest in their work because it’ll start to seem disingenuous and repetitive.
As for the fact that you lost followers/supporters upon disclosing your relationship status, look at this way. From a voyeur’s standpoint, male bloggers can be compared to R&B singers. Most of the really popular male singers lost their luster once they got married or got into a relationship that their fans knew about. But the fans who really respected their art and their delivery matured right along with them. And I think you tweeted the other day, something to the effect that some posts will resonate with people, other won’t. However you can’t let its reception be your barometer as long as you can stand by whatever your write.
I think your progression has been awesome. I truly respect it.
I thought about e-mailing umm… writers of some I the “relationship” blogs that I used to frequent when they became cliche and the fellas were getting way too sinister. Your discomfort level showed in your writing and I appreciated that you and one of the other writers changed your approach. I respect you for helping with changing and revamping the direction of 1 of those sites. #noshade
Keep it up! *air hi-5*
awl. great post.
Hey Slim… 1st wishing you all the very best in your relationship!! I am a sometimes reader/lurker and only once in a while do i comment… I do enjoy reading your posts and smile at the passion and tenacity that you hold but mostly i don’t relate… i understand but i don’t relate… let me explain… i have a good friend that is an elementary school teacher (1-4 grade varying) and we were out with some friends who asked her so what do you want to do now seeing that she has been a teacher for quite a few years, she replied i am doing what i want. that was followed by questions of principal-ship superintendent-cy etc to which she replied i have no desire for those things i just want to be the best teacher i can be. i gave that example to show that sometimes especially in the educated non white community there is always this push for onward and upward wrt education/employment and not everyone has that desire. i am a nurse and yes i want to be the best i can be but i have no desire to pursue more education right now or bigger titles or own my own business or what have you. i find a lot of times people like my friend and i get lost in the shuffle, we are not deadbeats just people who have found fulfillment where we are currently and feel no need to change it. i focus more on my personal pursuit of peace and happiness. all that to say, i read and acknowledge what you do but i do not have much to contribute… wishing you continued success both personal and professional
Hey Yoles,
Thanks for the comment. I think an important thing for me to note with support isn’t comment count contributions. I know that when I write certain stuff, only a small % of people will be able to relate to it. I think I’m unique, so that automatically means I’m not for everybody everyday. The bigger frustration for me was when that already smaller group grew even smaller when I mentioned my relationship status.
As far as what I write here, I don’t think everybody needs to be the next big anything. If you’re happy with where you are in life, that’s awesome. Contentment is exquisite. You actually just gave me a great post idea.
I’m just reading this but I’m glad you’re are on the right path and living life for you.
I’m happy for you and your relationship. If you’re happy than I suspect that your girl is happy as well. Women need to start supporting each other even if we don’t know each other.
Hey Slim,
Congrats on your new relationship status, I wish u all the best.
Imma keep it real and say this. One of the reasons why more women don’t want to hear from u now is because ur in a relationship and the woman is not any of them. Your audience is probably a majority single women. More single than married and involved women.
Your an attractive and intelligent brotha and you seem to have it going on and have a lot going for yourself. Therefore many women are probably on you like white on rice.
Many times when ur successful and very happy with your life you have more haters than congratulaters. This is especially true in the black community. Sad but true. Part of the all too common “crabs in a barrel” theory. These women want you for themselves and even if realistically none of them stand a chance to be your lady, the possibility is always there as long as your single. Women are eternally “hopeful.” Now your off the market and it’s like someone taking their fav chocolate away. That was probably the main focus of them being on your blog in the first place anyway. So now that it’s no longer, they don’t want to be here. Chuck the deuces to em and k.i.m (keep it moving). Focus on the ladies, (like me) who appreciate and respect your opinion and who will ride with you no matter what your status.
All the best and continued success in your journey….*smile*
Appreciate ‘cha!
Hi Slim,
I’ve been lurking a your site and I want to say congrats on the new relationship. Finding someone who enjoys your company and vice versa is always a good thing to have in life. Sorry that you have lost some readers due to your recent developmets. To me, when you share your ups and downs, it shows me the many depths and layers that you have and makes me want to read more of your thoughts and advice. Keep up the great work.
Wrote a post to congratulate you and wish you when the post came up, but as always when I comment from my phone it gets lost :S
Anyhow, congratulations! Just added your site to my bloglovin-feed (good tool if you’re looking to expand your following). Regarding people putting you in the relationship writer box and people not following when you’re in a relationship – the followers that follow you when writing about relationship might not be the followers you are looking for. The new topics might mean you need to look for your following in different (online) circles and promote it in other venues. If you do that you’ll see that the day you start putting up posts about relationships you’ll suddenly have lower numbers, bc that’s not what those particular followers are looking to gain from you.
As a fan of your writing but often hiding in lurker mode I will keep following you both here, on your new site and SBM. Keep up the great work!
I’m kinda new here so I didn’t catch your wave on the relationship posts, but my perpective is that your readers probably left because you were a potential mate in their minds, so when you disclosed you’re not on the market, they bounced. Similar to why many celebs like to keep their relationships on the low, so that all the girls can feel free to fawn over them. That’s the only way it makes sense to me.
Anyhow, kudos to you for having the guts to step into the path that you desire and not staying in the proverbial box. I wish you much success!
I’m mad late. This quote summarizes growth to me:
And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight and closed in the bud was more painful than the risk it took bloom. This is the Element of Freedom. – Alicia Keys
The line between what’s important in the social media world versus what’s important in “real life” can be confusing if people don’t pay close attention. The truth is, if there were no twitter, or blogs, or whatever–you’d still be striving to be successful (whatever that means to you). And since none of us were born to fulfill someone else’s vision for our life, we ought to celebrate whatever positive steps we see others take (and if we’re bold enough, call each other out when we see the other settling).
party hard, and keep living. that’s all.
I’m kinda like Yoles, where I’m a consistent reader, but sometimes commenter. Like most everybody else has said, do you homie. Those who support you now will continue to do so. You must be true to what works for you. If others can’t get with it, then oh well.
later than late (but better than never?)
i’m so appalled (rza voice) at what the numbers show – it doesn’t make sense to me.
seriously, im shaking my head as i write it.
all i can say is i respect honest writers at their foundation more than ‘good’ writers. i am happy you have found that place within where being honest also in your case means being good. (this made sense in my head).
kudos and congrats!
Thank ya kindly. And LOL at the rza voice. Now I got that song stuck in my head!
See…this is why I have always enjoyed you as a blogger. You have always seemed to strive to be authentic….even when was popular to pander and maintain a gimmick. Even being a part of SBM I never felt that from reading your posts.
I hate that you felt you had to censor yourself because isn’t your progression from single man to committed man what we should all hope for you? Maybe not.
At any rate, I know it may be disheartening to notice you losing readers when that happened but what you may find is an entirely new audience embracing your maturity and appreciating your growth.
I’d rather read about your honest views on things (including your relationship views) then to read a pretty lie. I can’t help but think that the readers that disappeared were either a. women that for some reason thought they had a chance with you, b. men that only look up to other single men and feel that men happy in a relationship sold out, or c) women that wanted to believe you were just another bullshit man that talked the talk but could not walk the walk.
I don’t comment often, but i do like to read your blog. So keep it up!
Thanks for dropping by! Should have another article coming up here soon!